Boo!

Potty training

Putting out fires left and right.

Sent from my Verizon Wireless Phone

Good Morning!!!

Sent from my Verizon Wireless Phone

BY Case Files: The Mountains!

Well, somehow we survived the vacation to the mountains.  I'll try to summarize, and humorize, in snippets.  What I'd like to call, the BY Case Files- The Mountains!

The "Are We There Yet?" File: Man, what a brutal drive up.  5.5 hours of solid driving was tough on ye old touchy!  The Twizz obliged like we thought, sleeping most of the way through.  The Pizz, well, let's just say that she was intrigued by the sights and sounds.  She didn't fall asleep until right before we pulled into the compound (this was a recurring theme for the rest of the trip)

The "Pizz Wants to Watch a Mooovie" File: well, she knows about the TV in the "miniban sky".  We tried to push it off as long as possible... but eventually had to relent and put in Dora... alas.

The "Sleeping with Your Whole Family in One Room is not what Its Cracked Up to Be" File: yup.  Imagine the scene... the Twizz in a pack-n-play in the master closet.  The Pizz in the loaner pack-n-play in the master bedroom.  The DQ2.0 and Editor in the master bed.  There was no restfulness for any adult.  Every night a kizzle wound up in our bed, sometimes multiple.  A couple of nights a kizzle left a special present!! (Editors Note: hopefully this all washed out, and we won't get dinged for it!)

The "New State of BY Vacations" File: Gone are the days of the DQ2.0 packing everything we'd need in one suitcase.  Gone are the times of packing for Europe for 2 weeks in a large suitcase.  Now we were lucky packing up everything into the Santa Maria.  There were Legos, yogurts, pee-lows!,  books, moo-vies, bouncers, pack-n-plays, coolers, strollers, suitcases, mountain shoes!, sodas, food, formula, diapers, g-diapers, and a bumbo.  Oh, and I forgot to mention the wine!

The "Abstinence Tour Rolls On" File:  yup, there we were.  Coming to a town near you!!! We even added some new participants (Kasel and Adam, and their new baby Isla).  We were quite a site strolling around western NC, screaming babies in hand!  The looks were either that of sheer horror or of cute joy.  Most were of sheer horror!  We even took the tour to some obscure Presbyterian college (that which I cannot remember the name right now) and shocked the college co-eds!  Man, if we didn't stop some teenage pregnancies this weekend...

The "Urine PTSD" File: The Pizz is still working through her potty and diaper issues.  As she is growing, it appears that her bladder is now toooooo big for those G-diapers.  They are woefully undermatched, especially if she drinks gobs of juice!  Unfortunately the recipient of said tee-tee was the Editor.  The Pizz had a fondness of sitting in my lap throughout the weekend, and then deciding to relieve herself!  Unfortunately, said G-diaper did not contain the tee-tee onslaught, leaving my jeans wet.  Towards the end of the weekend, I thought that everytime she got off my lap, I had urine on me.

The "One Thing We Forgot!!!" File: unfortunately, we forgot her potty chair.  This was rather painful, since we were still trying to teach her to use the potty.  This meant said parent had to hover over the potty, holding the Pizz.  This was not the best angle, and led for some serious discomfort for the Pizz.  Needless to say, she didn't go tee-tee in the potty all weekend.

The "Let's Take 3 Kids into a Deep Cavern 600 Ft into the Side of a Mountain" File: Yup.  Just by the title of this one, you can imagine how this is going to go.  Somehow, I didn't comprehend what we were doing until we were smack dab into it.  Call it sleep deprivation.  Imagine, if you will, each adult manning a kizzle (Merle had Mila, DQ2.0 had Coco, and Editor had Pizz).  Then imagine going on a tour of a cave cut out of the mountain.  Seconds into the tour, the door shut.  The Pizz started freaking out!  I looked around, and instantly realized the horror of what we had just done!  No amount of soothing, bouncing, walking, singing, dancing, hopping, sashaying, or cajoling could soothe her.  I don't remember any part of the tour, and was too ashamed to look at the other people in it (whose tour we had ruined).  I just kept as far behind as possible.  Still didn't work.  We even did a switch out with the DQ to no avail.  This was the longest 20minutes of my life.  When we finally ended the tour, I grabbed the Pizz and ran out of there, like a screaming banshee, never making eye contact with anyone else.

The "Biggest Private House in America" File: Of course, we had to go to the Biltmore.  Quite an impressive estate, replete with its own mansion, gardens, farm, petting zoo, river, lake, barn, and winery.  This was a great day for the BY crew: we toured the house, toured the gardens, had a picnic on the river, went to the petting zoo, and even had ice cream.  Alas, we did not make it to the winery.  Shame.

The "Abstinence Tour Takes on the Biltmore" File: There are so many snippets from this one.  But the first and probably everlasting comes on arrival to the estate.  This place is like DisneyWorld.  They ferry you into different parking lots along the hillside.  As we pull into our spot, right 2 spots into a parking lot, we smell something fairly heinous.  As we all get out, we take turns sniffing the perps.  It was a triple whammy!  But, since the lot was tiiight, we had to do this out of the trunk.  So each BY kizzle got their diaper changed.  This occurred as cars were streaming into the lot, driving right by us.  Each car had lovely views of my kizzles backsides as their individual poopie diapers were being changed.  Lovely.  I thought we were going to get kicked out right then and there.  Unfortunately, the Double Deala was the major offending agent today.  She decided to violate her evil diaper profoundly.  This included gobs of stinky babypoo evacuating just north of her buttocks and up her backside.  This, of course, soiled her onesie (majorly) and her overalls (minorly).  Unfortunately, we didn't pack backup clothes.  Yup!  So the DD, had to go country style through the tour- no onesie, just overalls.  Elegant.  Totally what the Vanderbilts had envisioned.

The "Daddy Nap Time" File: Oh yes.  Daddy took one lovely mid-afternoon nap.  Ahhh one hour of pure bliss.  Too bad it had to end....


The "Long Road Home" File: Well, all good things had to come to an end.  So did the Mountains!  Since we were going home during the afternoon, we had to figure out something to do to break it up.  So we drove back on I40, through more populous areas.  We stopped in Winston for lunch and play time.... for a sum total of 3 hours.  We also stopped outside of Raleigh.  Thus the trip home took 8 friggin hours!  Everybody took naps... except for the Editor!


The "You Can't Go Back to the Past" File: We decided to stop in Winston for lunch.  Perfect idea!  We drove through the town, and it was like old times... Ahhhh 3 years ago... We were married, sans-kizzles, and care-free!  We got nostalgic at the loft and seeing the creation of a park right in front of it!  Then we went to our old stomping ground- Mellow Mushroom, downtown W-S!  So nice when we cruised on in.  Unfortunately 5 minutes into our lunch, we were reminded of the cruel realities of our current situation.  All 3 kizzles erupted in cries.. Pizz wanted "pizza!", Coco was hungry!, and Mila was Mila.  Our memories evaporated in 1 quick whimper.  Fortunately, the whole place was loud enough, that no one heard our screams

At the 'Shroom, Winston

The "Lock the Door" File: So during our last pit-stop, the Editor had to go potty.  Pizz wanted to go too, and didn't want DQ to take her.  So there I was carrying the Pizzle into a truckstop gas station.  I could only imagine what filth I was going to get into...  Then I started wondering how this was going to play out, since I don't like to sit down in these stinky places.  This could get interesting.  We walk into the store and turn right for the bathrooms.  I reach down, grab the handle, seeing that it wasn't locked, opened the door.  There right in front of both our eyes was a dude using the toilet.  "Whoa!" I screamed...  "Whooooa!" the dude shouted... "Whoa! Whoa!" screamed the Pizz.  I slammed the door shut, hoping that the image that was now burned into my retina did not translate to the Pizz's.  I scurried out of the store, forgetting about my bladder.  Pizz kept mumbing "Whoa! Whoa!"  I mean, seriously, who doesn't lock the friggin door to a truckstop bathroom!  Oh my god!


The "We're Almost Home" File:  Like right on cue, almost 5 minutes outside of Wilmington, the car erupts.  The Twizzles are screaming... the Pizzle starts screaming.  It's almost like they know its on like Donkey Kong.  Thank goodness I didn't get a ticket flying through the town!.

Whew...  All done.

To the mountains!

The Pizz's first playdate

Hola!

Weekend Purgatory

Some people live for the weekends.

We here at the GM live in fear of the weekends.  Weekends mean that one out of two of us are usually working, and the one who is not "working" is working the hardest.

The unfortunate thing for me as the Editor is that I am the one who does not "work" every other weekend.

But, it turns out that this post is sponsored by the DQ2.0, who was good enough to photo-document a weekend day (yes, all of these things happened in one day! and this is how Saturday earns its reputation  in our household) with the Pizz.

First, there was a trip to the Aquarium.  Fueled with more cups of coffee than hours of sleep, the DQ2.0 manned up on the Pizz and tried her best to find the same alligators, turtles, fish, and sharks as interesting as they were the other 27 times.

Then a trip home for lunch and a blessed nap.  But what to do afterwards?  Thankfully, there was story time at our local toystore.

What the DQ didn't realize is that the Pizz is fully old enough to understand that a toystore is full of TOYS and that essentially all of them are available for her if she screams loudly enough.  

Three screams later, and the Pizz was in business.  Luckily the DQ2.0 discovered toys that were fun for parents too!

My first Legos! Hours of enjoyment!!

The Scooter, before it was fun (for the Pizz).

After the DQ2.0 realized it was more fun when a big hill was involved.

It's just a blessing that Monday comes soon enough!  Back to "work"!!

Don't hate me because I'm young and beautiful ...

From the crypt of cuteness...

The pain and agony of Hand, Foot, and Mouth disease

We here at BY thought that we had seen it all.

But it turns out, we hadn't seen the worst of coxackievirus.  No sirree.

This tiny organism managed to spread through the young preschool room faster than lightning.  We thought after a few days that we would be spared.  But oh no, not at all.  Suddenly the Pizz was crying that her mouth had an "owie" and it was all over from there.  

So, it meant an extended time off from school.  And a LOT of time at home.  In dismal rainy weather.  With two infants, one of whom was coming down with his own miserable case of coxackievirus.  

The good news?  We learned that the Pizz shares her mom's love of books!  And strangely enough her favorite is this story about dinosaurs-acting-like-evil-kids.  

So, the buzzword these days at the GM is "storytime" which must be enjoyed from the comforts of a "pee-loh."  Thankfully we have a Merlie to add a South African accent to storytime fun!

And yes, we have all recovered from Hand, Foot and Mouth.  Well, all of us except the Editor and the DQ2.0, who might just be scarred for life!

Playground fun

Around here we've been desperate for some cooler weather so that everyone can enjoy more time outside!  (Outside = a strange innocuous word that instills a spark of mischievious pleasure in the eyes of children around the world).

So, to the park we go!

Where did the time go?  The Pizz can now climb ladders and go down slides all by herself!

The DQ2.0 insists that legwarmers are all the rage... hmm....

Introducing Jean-Court

Sent from my Verizon Wireless Phone

Lookie Who's in The Chair!!!

Sent from my Verizon Wireless Phone

A BY Genetics Lession

Subtitle: A Case of Mendelian Genetics... BY Style


So, today, as I wait for my next case to come down to "the lab"  (Man, an electrician's work is never done), I decided to peruse the Yarnoz names in the hospital computer.

So, ignore the fact that this violates some HIPAA rule or something... 

There, the Yarnoz's brew was in living color....

Yarnoz, Kemper P 2yo

Yarnoz, Michael H 6mo

Yarnoz, Camila A 6mo

Ahhhh... we're so close to overtaking the "Smith's" I can just taste it!!!  (Editor's Note:  I didn't see any patients named Hasselhoff!)

Anyway, I digress....  So I decided to peruse their labs. 

Hmmm...KP only had cord blood... Well, she was pretty easy.... What was her blood type?    AB.  (Editor's Note: let's ignore the whole Rhesus thing.  I mean, we're not monkey's.... er... well... maybe some of us...)

Hmm, what about Coco?  B....  Interesting...

Well, have to check the Double Deala?  A....

Wow....  (dork meter going way off the Richter scale)  that is sooo cool.

So, ladies and gentlemen of the BY Universe....  assuming that each of the Kizzles have the same parental units.... (we know they're the DQ's... but the Editor????????)

How can that be?

Using the rules of Mendelian genetics.... (my head just exploded)... what are the only possible combinations that the DQ and the Editor can have??

(are we the only people that find this interesting?)

BY at the Movies

So, I am going to try out a new feature here at BY Universe...  I will call it BY at the Movies.  I will try to come up with a movie (recent or old) that sums up how the week (that was) went...  There will also be plot synopsis as well.

This week:

Contagion

Plot Synopsis

"As the Point-Source tries to learn how to potty on the toilet, an evil strain of avian-swine-daycare flu spreads rapidly amongst the BY Universe.  Our hero (the Editor, of course) races against time and insurmountable odds to battle against this terrible disease.  As the disease slowly spreads (from hand to nose to mouth to butt), taking out members of his family one-by-one, the Editor seeks to enlist the help of DQ2.0, who is unfortunately way-layed on night-shifts, waging her own battles against disease and humanity.  As the virus continues to spread, and his own health, and sanity, now perilously hanging in the balance, could it be too late?"

Good Morning Universe!!!

Sent from my Verizon Wireless Phone

Onward bound - To the beach!

So today we planned to go to the beach.  Yup you heard that right, the DQ2.0 and I actually planned taking the Kizzles to the beach...  and we were sober.

So this took a lot of planning ... and packing...

Both of which the DQ is good at.

Exhibit A:

Now, I will say that I added the Bumbos later.  You really must look at the Radio Flyer to see the true product!

We're Off, like a promdress!

So, we get there at 8:45am right before the mass of humanity arrived.  Whew!  The Editor dutifully hauled out the RadioFlyer with stuff in tow and drudged out, leaving the BY Universe in the Santa Maria to enjoy some AC...  Wow!!!  A drudged did he do!

About 20 minutes later,  I stake out our plot of sand and begin to unfurl the packing!  I take out our newest addition to the BY stockpile, a SportsBrella!  Not sure who named it, but essentially it is a large umbrella that has a stake and 2 flaps that can tie down.  Got it at Sam's....ahhh Sams!  Then I figured out where the shade was and laid out the blankets and bumbos.  Back to the Santa Maria!!!!

There the crew was all enjoying some AC...  Each adult grabbed a Twizzle and began the trek.  The Pizzle actually walked... almost the whole way.  She got bogged down in the sand, and had to be rescued by the DQ.

Then we plopped down, and the Editor set up the tent.  We were in business.  We did bring cameras and smartphones, but let me just say, there was not a moment to use them.  I dropped mine in the Ikea bag, and never saw it again. 

Pizzlesticks during the Camp Yarnoz setup just kept mumbling "Kempah go in the watah!  Kempah go in the watah!"  Finally we had to relent.  With an inch of lotion, Pizz and DQ drudged out to the watah.  The Editor was stuck with the Twizzles...  Mila was chillin in the Bumob and Coco was whining in the port-a-crib.  Sheesh!  Seems he just wanted a little breeze over his mongo dome!

DQ and Pizz returned soaked.  The Pizz is now a daredevil, and took each waved head on!  Seems the DQ didn't like that too much, and brought her back for the lifevest... and Editor.  After putting on the vest, "Kempah wants to go in the watah!  Kempah wants to go in the watah!  Kempah wants to go in the watah!"... Ok ok !

So back we go!  Those little chubby legs were no match for 1foot waves!  She definitely got knocked ov-ah a couple of times.. prompting a scoop from the Editor.  Then it quickly became "Kempah go swimming!"  And off we went...

This was pretty much the rest of the morning.  DQ and Editor alternating trips with the Pizz to the watah!  Next thing we new, it was noontime. 

"Kempah want saaandwich!"  Ok 

At this point, the amazingly good Twizzles promptly erupted simultaneously.  So did the Pizz.  Time to go!  The DQ and I then grabbed the kids and motivated in stages (as we had planned before).  Stage one was Kizzle removal.  The Kizzles would be taken back to the Santa Maria.  Stage two was Shizzle removal.  The Editor would return to the CampSite and remove/break down our stuff. 

Stage One:  DQ takes Mila.  Editor takes Pizz (who didn't want to walk anymore) and the Dude.  We begin to walk back.  Man it started getting hot!  Wow, how far away did we park!  Holy mackerel!  With each step, the KP and Dude begin to weigh on my massively bulging biceps.  (shameless promo)  My 2 inch pythons had not been keeping up with the Joneses; my Kizzles were gaining weight!  But I trudged on....must.....not.....drop....one.....

We made it to the Santa Maria.  But this time, I had a good deal o sweat going, dripping from my chin to the Dude...  poor guy.  I threw them into the carseats, started the Santa Maria, pumped the AC, and set off back to the campsite.

Argh!  How did I volunteer for this plan?  Who's idea was it?  Wow!  I make it back to the site, and start breaking down things.  I start to pack up Radio Flyer.  I finally finish the cleanup and look at it... wow... it definitely didn't look that way when we came out here.  Chairs were stacked on Bumbos.  Mats were sticking straight up.  A perilously perched umbrella teetering on top.  Hmmm... I think... No time to reload... must move on...

I set off for the car... 

Oh my god!  The dang RadioFlyer was like 5 times heavier now.  I look back on it... Did we harpoon a whale or something?  Nope.  Wow...  Got to keep going...Plus the sand had been churned up by the masses, so the wheels didn't move well.  I was dragging this thing across the desert.  Add to the fact that the sand was scalding hot by this point.  I look down at my bare feet.... I can make it....  5 steps later, the pain was unbearable.  I look for the ramp... it's about 50 yards away!  I swear I though I smelt skin burning.  Where are my flipflops??  I look back at the wagon...oh crap... buried....  I couldn't take the pain much longer... (plus with my pension for passing out from pain, I figured this wasn't the best place to do it...)  I dove into the wagon, and after some maneuvering, found my flops.  But this made the wagon even more unstable.

I set off again, with my scalded feet covered by flops.  I make it to the bridge... I try to drudge up the handicap ramp...  Dang wagon didn't make turns well.  I knocked off the umbrella...  I stopped grabbed it, and threw it back on top.  I maneuver up the ramp as deftly as a bull in a chinashop.  I see the top, and of course there is a handicapped dude in a motorized scooter!  Oh come on man!!!!  Seriously!?!?!?  What the h#77 are you doing here?  He just looked at me and didn't freakin move.  I glared at him... sweat now pouring off my brow.  I barely make it to the corner, and eek the wagon by his PowerRider...  Argh!  Thanks dude!

I pass by and set off for the parking lot.  By this time, there is a line of people behind me.  I try to move the wagon as fast as possible, but there are people going out to the beach too.  The umbrella falls off again.  I stop.  Smile at the dude behind me.  "You can pass me"  I say.  "Naw"  he smiles politely "We've done this before too..."  I grab the freakin umbrella and throw it over my neck, but it swings frontwards, not backwards), and starts clanging off my stomach...  I act like I wanted that to happen, and start moving again.

Finally I make it to the parking lot.  I see the SantaMaria idling closer.... ah the DQ moved it.  She got out when she saw me...  "Where have you...?"  She sees my sweat pouring state....   "Here, I got it... go wash off"

We finally pack up, and then leave the parking lot.  Definitely learned some lessions here today!





Pimpin' in the swing.

I am confident in my masculinity and don't mind the pink gDiaper.

A Saturday Morning at the Playground

Well, it is a typical Saturday morning here in Wilmington

 Officer Pizz tickets the Editor for speeding!

 We make some Play Doh ghosts!  (Can anyone guess which ones are Kemper's?)

Even the Twizzles get in on the action!

Mila and her Chariot! 

 Ahh, my how things have changed!

Classic Hopping Extravaganza (sorry for sideways video... can't edit back)