Happy (belated) Thanksgiving from BY Universe

Happy Thanksgiving.


We here at BY Universe have soooooooooooooo much to be thankful for. Especially since this was KP's 3 month birthday!!! Man, she'll be driving in no time.


Now for our list of thanks (with sap omitted... I didn't want to tear up)

1. We're thankful KP has all her fingers and toes. (She's even discovered them now!)


2. We're not thankful that KP has her Daddy's GI tract! (whew!)


3. We're thankful she has one period of long sleep in her.


4. We're not thankful it takes an hour to put her down.


5. We're thankful that her mother is sooooooooooo amazingly beautiful. (Ok, maybe some sap)


6. We're not thankful how she looks in the Madonna milk-er-ator. (This will definitely keep the KP from having any brothers and sisters in the near future)


7. We're thankful KP is as beautiful as her mom.


8. We're not thankful that KP looks more and more like her daddy every day!


9. We're thankful we have viewers and subscribers to the BY Universe.


10. We're not thankful that we're not to the level of The Hoff! (man, he's tough to beat!)


11. We're thankful that Duke looks tough so far.


12. We're not thankful that their track record is not so good come Tourney time!


13. We're thankful that everyone is healthy, and going to be in town next weekend.


14. We're not thankful that it is only 2 days long.

Hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving!

-BY Universe

Kemper Vision

Baptism In The Line of Fire

Well, I thought I had it all happen to me. I thought I had all my notches in my Daddy-belt. Turns out I forgot one. A big one.

I just got the Golden Shower!

Wow... How could I have forgotten? Let us digress....

The evening was like any other. Winding down. KP getting her long blinks goodnight (although this is getting tougher...) A little fidget here and there. Then the DQ goes, "Why don't you go get her changed and lay her down?"

Sure. No problemo. I'm the Dad!

I take her upstairs and plop her on the changing table. She smiles at me... (in hindsight, this was the smile of dark knowledge.... alas, I didn't think clearly.) I was sucked into her cuteness. I disrobe her. Diaper next... undo it. Ahh a little wet, but missed the Tapioca. Whew! I'm almost scott-free! Then I move the diaper away... (Fatal, fatal mistake. I had been doing so well prior. I think I did get mesmerized by her cuteness... lulled to make a mistake. Then I was trapped!!!)

I grab the next G-diaper, and prepare it for the evening sleep. (This is a more involved process due to KP's propensity for overnight urine-blowouts! Now we have these babies double lined, with a cloth and paper insert!). I move into diaper position. I grab her legs and move to grab the diaper....

Hmmm... what's that warmth on my hand? Hmmm... sort of wet... is she drooling? Hmmm... wait a minute... she's on her back...... er... I look down.... oh ... my ... GOD.... Urine was streaming out from hoohoo-ville... Damn... I instinctively recoil and plop her down on the table.... Urine sprayed everywhere! Crap! Wait, I mean, Piss! Wow... how much do you drink? I mean, wow, this was longer than a drunkard at a urinal.

Then it was over. I surveyed the damage. I place the surprising dry new diaper into position.

Wow! I look at my daughter. She had this triumphant look on her face! Gotcha!

Yes, she did!

Oh the Growth!

Man, it's going fast! Next thing we know, she'll be going to Duke!

She's outgrown the Burrito. (We've had to resort to some makeshift Chalupas...alas)

She doesn't succumb to the Jedi-Mind trick. (Where we rub her head and she falls asleep)

Her cries have more pitch to them. Some of them are hideously high.

She can roll over! (This is to rousing shouts of glee from both of her parents. You would think she just pooped gold.) (Oh, we have new installments to Kemper TV... I just have to edit them... Awesome!)

She is getting cuter by the second. (er... wait... I think she did just poop some gold)

All this cuteness will be on display for Baptism Weekend... stay tuned.

Passin Out Smiles

Well, the KP has developed her social smile. Oh, boy has she!!!

She is soooooooo cute, when she wants to be. She passes out the smiles whenever she wants. Its amazing. Then the DQ and I spend another 15 minutes jumping around like idiots to get her to smile again. It's like a drug. It's better than crack. (er... like I knew what crack was...)

After a long day of work, I go pick her up from daycare. I walk in, peer over her bouncer... there's the KP. Then she sees me, recognizes me, and passes out a smile. Oh man, I can't remember anything else about my day.

At home we're sitting on the couch in high pitched baby voices, trying desperately to get her to smile again, and again and again. Then, for like 20 minutes, she passes out the smiles. Amazing stuff. SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO CUTE! Quick, take a picture. I grab the camera to try to immortalize it.... **poof** its gone. I stand there dumbfounded, waiting for another smile. Doesn't happen.... until I put the camera away. Smiles return. Its like clockwork.

Better than crack!

New Pics

Much anticipated update...

Here's a little preview:

How Do You Spell Vaccccuuuum?

Hmmm, we just had a debate.


Mano-a-mano. The DQ vs The Editor.

Super vocab Lit Major vs. The Engineer (ie. found a major where he didn't have to write papers)

How do you spell 'vaccccuuuum'? 1 c 2 u's or 2 c's 2 u's

The debate raged on. Clearly this needed to be sorted out, since we are a family of 3 Dysons.

Oh geez!

Well, let me just say that I won this round!


Whew....

Now the total is DQ 175 Editor 4!!!

KP's Sporting Some New Digs

Last night was the opening game of the Duke Basketball 09-10 season.

It was televised.

Thusly, the BY Universe was glued to the TV screen. In honor of this momentous occasion, the KP sported a new look.

This could be Duke Basketball's secret weapon for this next year! Go Duke!!!

(Unfortunately, this weapon could not be translated to the football field... alas)

Kemper TV

Coming to a computer near you...

the Next installment of Kemper TV!!!

(Ham was a backup singer!)

The KPY's Legit!

Oh, I almost forgot in the afterglow of my DaddyBjorn partying skills....


The KPY is a legitimate American Citizen.... she has a Social Security number.


Hoooray!!! (This had been causing a significant amount of angst amongst the DQ and I)


Granted by the time she is old enough to try to retire and use it, the damned thing will be bankrupt, but that is a political debate for another time!

Partying with the KP

So last Thursday I get an invitation on my desk. Oyster Bake at my partner's house. Sweet. Wait, what's an Oyster Bake? Oh well, sounds like fun. I figured we should go. Only problem, it was Friday. Hmm... Let me get permission from the DQ. Sure, we just have to bring the KP. Sounds good to me. Nothing like being upstanding parents, taking our 2 month old to a party and getting sloshed! I like it.


So we confirm. Then Friday evening rolls around. Turns out this was going to be an outdoor thing. Hmmm. And it is getting cold here in W-town, NC. What to do?


Then a bold stroke of genius on my part. We'll give her leggings, throw her in the DaddyBjorn, and I'll wrap her in my fleece. The DQ, surprisingly, signed off on it.


So we're off, like a prom dress, to the party.... hybrid-style. KP's got her party outfit on, plus a cute fuzzy pink hat. Halfway there, she fires up the noise. Loud. Screaming. Uh-oh... we might not make it. Paci emergency! The DQ was all contorted trying to locate the paci and the replace in it's proper location. Finally, by the time we make it to the house, she's quiet. Whew! We're safe.


Then I strap on the DaddyBjorn. Insert the KP. Zip up the fleece. We're ready to go get our Oysters on. (Which, by the way, I'm not an oyster fan. I was just going for the booze). I have the fleece zipped up high enough, that the only thing you can see from the front is her little pink hat. She looked warm. Coincidentally enough, so was Daddy.


We go in (or outdoors for that matter) and saunter through the party. Man, what an amazing house! Right on the intercoastal. 3 floors. Amazing. Amazing decks with views. Pool. Hottub. Dock. Wow, I wanted to move!


We moved through the crowd to find my partner. People turned to us... "Is that a baby?" "yes, you want her?" Awww.. they chuckled.... I was serious.... "She's so cute" At this point, she was awak, so I opened up one of the side ports so she could get a look around. Man, the ladies came from everywhere! (and this was the real highlight of the night! The KP was a formidable chick magnet! I was the Man! Lightbulbs were going off everywhere... I was a superstar.)


Then we found my partner, and he gave us a tour of the palace. First stop was the garage. This was important in the only fact that they had a Keg-R-Ator! I stopped and gawked for a good 5 minutes. All I saw was this glorious machine, with the tap. I swear I heard angels singing in the background. Even better was that it pumped out Dos Equis Amber. "Would you like a beer Mike?" .... um... well... ummm "Hell yes!" Even got a tall, frosty mug. Ahhhh this is the life.

So the tour continued. The DQ, KP, and a drinking Daddy got led around this amazing house. Then we were done, and went back to the party. I got a refill on my frosty beverage. Ahhhh. Then the DQ and I sauntered around. Ladies (mostly cougars) flocked to me... er... the KP.

Here's some of the comments:
"Awww.... she's so cute." Yes, although she looks more like her Daddy.

"Is that a real baby?" No, just for the ladies. It's working; you came over!

"She's so precious." Yes, for right now... you should see her at 3am.

"Are you sure she's warm?" Well, Daddy's pretty warm right now (as I sip my beer).

"What's her name?" Kemper..... then the standard response "Aw, Kimber, that's so cute" We gave up correcting strangers.

"I know why you're wearing her- to get the ladies!" Yes, maam. It's working too. I got some digits too!

The DQ got in on the act too. She came over once to interrupt a pack of cougars in full gawk- "Are you trying to pick up chicks with my Baby!?!?" Their faces dropped.... Ha ha ha

We must have won the award for Parents of the Year! There we were in about 40degree weather, outdoors, with our 2 month old. Drinking. It was glorious. (Editors note: I did repeatedly check on the KP for warmth, movement, and stinkiness. About 1 hour into the party, she was out like a light! and toasty warm!)

Then we realized that our partying days were over and it was time to go. We said our goodbyes. I tearfully parted ways with my frosty beverage. We made our exit. Got in the hybrid and cruised home.

Ah!

By the way, that night the KP slept 7hours, before waking up to eat! I think I found what we're doing every Friday night from now on!!!!

The BY Glossary

Since we in the world of BY use many terms and abbreviations, we figure there might be some of you who have no idea what we're talking about. Also, since we've jumped over the 1000 viewers, we realize that our network is expanding!!! (Hey we're overseas now! The Hoff has to watch out- we're going to take over Germany!)


So here is a BY Glossary of Terms:

AA or Abdominal Activity: These are our feeble attempts at putting the KP on her belly for some activity. It is supposed to get her to strengthen her head. Instead I think it puts her to sleep.

BabyBjorn: One of the sponsors of the BY site. Seems the BY Universe likes all things Scandinavian. This provides us the walker and the bouncer.

Baby Yarnoz, or BY: Kemper P. before she was born, as a mechanism for maintaining absolute name secrecy. You cannot believe how hard it was to keep the name under wraps. Now the BY term has enveloped the whole project.

Burrito: this is a verb and a noun. The Noun is the final product of wrapping KP in her sleep sack for the night. The Verb is that action.

BWCWCC: Betty W Cameron Women’s and Children’s Center. Where the KP came into fruition. Hottub and all!

Chalupa: the winter version of the Burrito. Essentially this is a burrito with a nice, warm fuzzy blanket wrapped around it.

Club Kemper: the iPod mix that the DQ made for the KP. It is sort of European Night club meets Trance meets Classical.

Green Machine, or GM: The house where it all is starting. Originally named for the famous green wall-to-wall carpet that smelled like 'eau de dead body', the name was retained due to the eco-conscious renovation of the 1966 kitchen.

DairyCart or DC: The Original Charmaine post-partum name, for obvious reasons. A changing of the GolfCart shtick!

DairyQueen or DQ: The new and improved Charmaine post-partum name. The reason for the switch is that she rules over her sauce like its gold. But, without the trusty iPhone, she is a mere mortal!

DaddyBjorn: The Editor with KP in tow. DaddyBjorn does everything: vacuums, walks Ham, blows the driveway, and takes out the garbage. The KP loves it.

Duke University: the future alma mater of the KP. However, if her parents don’t start donating to the Duke Fund, she could be going to Cape Fear Community College!

Dyson: The second in line for the Scandinavian throne. This place prides itself on its cleanliness. A month ago we saw a new gleaming Dyson vacuum set at Sam’s. We had to have it. Now we have a Dyson for everyone. Seriously.

The Editor: Mike, aka BabyDaddy, who conceived/edits/writes this post.

EP: Electrophysiology. This is what the editor does in his spare non-blogging time. It is a crazy, mixed up world of blips and squiggles and electricity. KP and the Editor are studying diligently for the EP boards, scheduled for late October.

The Exorcist: occasionally the KP spits up so violently that it comes out of every orifice. Think back to the scene in the movie, but picture white sauce coming out. That’s it exactly.

Fidget: The KP squirm machine in full action. Probably when she has a present for daddy. See Tapioca.

Fussy Miss Fusserson: When the KP really doesn’t want to sit still. Nothing can keep her quiet. Not even the sauce!

G-Diaper: the DC’s contribution to our green baby living. Supposedly these diapers are biodegradable and flushable. Well, it turns out that the flushability of these things is in doubt. Let us just say that the pipes in the GM are a little old. Now the G-Diapers are thrown away.

G-Diaper, cloth: the new and improved G-Diaper. This time with a cleanable cloth insert. Oh boy!

Golf Cart, or GC: Charmaine, during pregnancy, named as such after proclaiming that the BY was rolling golf balls around her abdomen. She became the ultimate transporter!

Hybrid style: Cruisin in the official transportation of the BY- the Honda Civic Hybrid. Careful, it’s so quiet, you can’t hear us drive by… at 40 mpg!

The Hoff: David Hasselhoff. Big in Germany. The BY Universe is going to target him on the Internet. We will become more popular that the Hoff!

iPhone: The most important technological piece of equipment in the BY Universe. Seriously. That post was for real. There is an app for that! If it is not on the iPhone, it didn’t happen.

Ita and Wo-Wo: Grandparents Yarnoz (Abuelo Miguel and Abuelita Jill)

Kemper Music: the tunes that the Editor makes up to get the KP to sleep. These come from the depths of the Editor’s brain, since it is such a bastion of music lyrics. He then substitutes phrase and KP-isms to get a more BY flavor. They include such lyrical hits as “My name is Kemper, Kemper P.” “Kemper-licious” “Kemper Pilar Yarnoz is the baby I must follow.” “Head Control” “I’m sorry Miss Kemper, poop is for real!” and so so much more.

K-Pizzle: Kemper’s rap name. I have already copyrighted and trademarked it!

La-La: Grandma Laura

The Madonna Wonder Pump: some devilish contraption that milks the DQ. Horrific. But it does provide a useful service.

Moe’s: Where would the BY Universe be without the favorite Tex-Mex dining establishment. Seriously. I think we’d starve.

NHRMC: New Hanover Regional Medical Center. The local hospital.

Nipple Confusion: the dreaded outcome of using too many nipples. Thankfully this has not occurred, and my nipples are safe!

The Paci (aka the plug): Probably the single best invention known to man. No further explanation needed.

Paw-Paw and Gigi: Grandparents Lewis (Grandpa Jamie and Grandma Debbie)

Piglet: This is the KP when she wants the sauce. She starts crying, and then making piggy noises everywhere. An oink oink here… an oink oink there.

The Sauce: The Milk. The Juice. The stuff that comes out of the DQ. It makes KP so happy drunk that it must be good stuff. This is not to be confused with "daddy's sauce," which is consumed in somewhat vast quantities after studying for EP.

Sony: the makers of the baby monitor. This has been an adventure of noises, including the horrific electrical interference that was occurring nightly. Somehow it has improved. That was probably because it knew that it was going to get thrown out of the window.

Tapioca, or Tapi: Well everybody has to make something. The DQ makes the sauce. The Editor makes the blog. Well, what does the KP make? Hmmm…. Tapioca pudding. In mass quantities.

Vagus: the Tenth Cranial Nerve. Very important in the lives of the DQ and the Editor. Very active. We think the KP is screwed.

New Pics

Lots of new ones into the bin.

Enjoy.

Update: Two Month Checkup

Well, last Tuesday was the 2 month checkup.

Weighed in at 10lbs 6oz.

Measured straight in 50 percentiles for all routine measurements. (Ahhh... average... just like her parents!!!)

Then the visit with the MD. She got a clean bill of health. The MD was rambling on and on about different things.... blah blah blah... "Do you have a baby monitor?" "Yes." "Turn it off." blah blah blah... blah blah blah... er... wait a minute... "Did you say turn off the monitor?" "Yes... let her cry it out!"

Oh my God! I didn't hear a word of of the remaining 30 min visit. Even missed the round of vaccine shots. I was off in dream world! I mean, gosh... a whole night's sleep! Hoooray!!! Wow...

I practically skipped out of the office... almost forgot the KP... Hooray!

We're going to let her cry it out right now!

But, we have worked on her schedule at night.... The average now is from 10-11pm to 4-5am.


It is still a work in progress!

Welcome Back Editor!

Whew!

What a delay! Sorry about the lack of posting.

The DQ has returned to work, and last week was my feeble attempt to take my EP boards.

But now we here at BY Universe are back... and better than ever!

More posts

More pics

Videos

Humor

A Glossary

Stay Tuned!

Kemper Survives the Night!

(and Daddy too!)

Well, loyal followers, last night we took one small step for KP, one giant leap for the BY Universe!

As you probably already know, last night marked the return of the DQ to the hospital.  Yes, now she is officially Dr DQ!  (Hmm... I wonder if she'll change her name... aw, who am I kidding, she didn't change her name to Dr Yarnoz!)

This left the extreme parental rights to the Daddy.  Oh boy!

The evening started off like any other....  nice chill in the evening Carolina air...  KP asleep in the bouncer and Daddy drudging away at his studying.  (Today marks the official 1 week countdown!)  Calm and tranquil!

This lasted until 9:30pm....  Then the Fidget appeared....  uh oh... time to get a-warmin'... Then the Fidget morphed into the Piglet....  go microwave go... 

Got the sauce warmed up and popped it into the KP, right before Mt KPiglet erupted!  Whew!  Catastrophe aborted...

Finished the sauce and did the final burp.  Ahhh!  Bed time.  Since she was in her drunk phase, I took the opportunity to check under the hood... whew, no blowouts there!  Then I wrapped her in the Burrito.  Then came the new invention, the Chalupa!  (If some of you are not big TacoBell people, a chalupa is a taco with a pita wrapped around it, with other assorted Grade F beef products... but you get the picture.)  So the KP Chalupa, is the Burrito wrapped up in a fuzzy blanket.  Man it looks warm and cozy!

Then the KP was off to bed.  And so was Daddy.  Ham tried to get on the bed (somehow he knows that when the weather gets cold, he gets allowed on the bed... damn smart dog).  But no go for Ham, he was rejected.  Ahh the nice cozy bed, without the DQ.... ahhh!

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

** wiggle wiggle **  **crankie crankie**  uh, oh... she's sturring.... where am I? ...

** WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA**  oh, damn... DQ, why don't you take this one?  Oh crap... no DQ.  What time is it?  2:30am.  Wow!

I'm up now and in the room like a flash.  Ham was up to, protecting the way.  Good boy!  I look down into the crib, the KP was up!!!  Seems now she has wiggle herself free of the warm, chalupa outershell... leaving just the yellow burrito underneath.  I grab her and head down stairs to the kitchen.  I get to the microwave and fire it up.  (In my Daddy mode before bed, I left a cup of water in a mug in the micro... ready to go!) 

***WWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!" She's really getting revved up now!  I don't think I'll hold her out much longer.  I start sweating....  Sauce was still cold.  Microwave's finished, and I plop in the bottle.  **WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!** now she's really going.  Seems that she is also morphing away from her cute little baby cry to this new little horrific witch cackle!  Whew!  When's this bottle going to get warm!  Where's the paci?  Damn, upstairs!!!  Ok, how about my finger?  No go!  It's the sauce or nada!  I look at Ham, who's looking up at me whimpering... yes, boy I know!  I grab the bottle, check it... lukewarm is good enough for me, and pop it in!  The KP loves it!

Hooray!

20mins later, after 3 pauses for some impressive burping (she really has my GI tract), we're complete.  She's spent!  Drunk as a sailor on shoreleave.  I take her back upstairs, and check under the hood.... nada.... Whew!  I re-wrap the burrito and put her in the crib... then I re-wrap the chalupa.  She's out....

Soon daddy too.  I get back into bed and look at the clock... 3:30am....

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

** creak creak **  The DQ slides into bed.  "Hey babe, how's the KP?"  I look at the clock 3:40am...  Nice timing.


The next thing I know the alarm is going off.  6am. 

We've survived the night!

Welcome to Daddy DayCare!

T-Minus 5 minutes and counting!

The DQ is prepping to go into her 1st night shift back from maternity leave. This leaves Daddy in charge for the whole damn night!

The sauce .... chilling in the fridge! **check**

The G Diapers .... sittin in the dresser! **check**

The paci .... all 4 (yes we've expanded!) are in prime locations, ready to go! **check**

The burrito .... hanging over the crib, ready for a wrap! **check**

Club Kemper ... thumpin! **check**

The KP .... napping in the bouncer! **check**

Daddy (fresh off having to go into the hospital 3 am two days in a row) .... pumped! ** check **


Let's get it on!

(We're screwed!!!)

Kemper starts school!

We never thought the day would come, 8 weeks ago, when little KPY arrived 8 days early, but yes, folks, she's old enough for day care. Except "day care" is open 13+ hours per day and consists of a rigorous sign in and sign out procedure, and even has lesson plans for 2 month olds (you know, public policy, calculus, etc...) So we've decided that "day care" isn't the right noun to describe this place... child labor camp seemed sorta harsh, so we've decided just to call it "school."

This means that the DQ is liberated for various hours every day. They told her to come early today (the first day) for the drop off in case she got weepy. Clearly they don't know the DQ, who ran out of there skipping and immediately went to the gym. But before you think she's a horrible person, she only felt compelled to leave little Kemper for a mere 4 hours. But if it protects her sanity, hey, I'm all for it.

Kemper Hates Her Daddy!

Yup. It's true. And it only took 5 weeks!

For the last 24hours (ever since the last batch of grandparents left the GM... hmmm... coincidence?), the KP has not wanted a thing to do with her father.

Yup. I know. Horrible.

Every time I try to pick her up to play. She cries.
Every time I try to hold her, while the DQ does something, She cries.
Every time I try to console her when she cries, she cries louder.
I walk by her to talk to the DQ, she cries.
She cries.

I've tried everything that used to work: rocking, walking, singing, bouncing, the Jedi-mind trick. Nada .... zero... zilch. She actually amplifies her cries; getting all red everywhere. Almost as if she's going to pass out from lack of oxygen. (I think... hmm... that might quiet her down some!) But no! It continues, ad nauseum. Then Ham starts to cry too! I stand there, at wits end, trying to make her happy.

Then the DQ arrives, picks up the KP, and ... whimper, whimper... sniffle, sniffle... all better! Seriously!!! Like nothing ever happened.

I've heard of favoring one parent over the other, but this early?!?!

I have to get some boobs, and fast!

Kemper Goes to AA!!!

So we have been busy here in the land of the BY! We've progress soooooooooooooooo much in the last 5 weeks or so.

One of the things we've been reading in the books (er... let me rephrase that... the DQ's been reading) is to put the baby on their tummy to strengthen their heads. This is called 'Tummy Time'.

Well, we've decided to try that in the BY Universe. But since we have a perverse sense of humor, and a distaste for the phrase Tummy-Time... we have changed the phrase to a more scientific phenomena.

Abdominal Activity!

(or AA for short)

So, here is a clip from one of the early AA sessions. (hopefully this will ward off any future AA sessions during adulthood)