So last Thursday I get an invitation on my desk. Oyster Bake at my partner's house. Sweet. Wait, what's an Oyster Bake? Oh well, sounds like fun. I figured we should go. Only problem, it was Friday. Hmm... Let me get permission from the DQ. Sure, we just have to bring the KP. Sounds good to me. Nothing like being upstanding parents, taking our 2 month old to a party and getting sloshed! I like it.
So we confirm. Then Friday evening rolls around. Turns out this was going to be an outdoor thing. Hmmm. And it is getting cold here in W-town, NC. What to do?
Then a bold stroke of genius on my part. We'll give her leggings, throw her in the DaddyBjorn, and I'll wrap her in my fleece. The DQ, surprisingly, signed off on it.
So we're off, like a prom dress, to the party.... hybrid-style. KP's got her party outfit on, plus a cute fuzzy pink hat. Halfway there, she fires up the noise. Loud. Screaming. Uh-oh... we might not make it. Paci emergency! The DQ was all contorted trying to locate the paci and the replace in it's proper location. Finally, by the time we make it to the house, she's quiet. Whew! We're safe.
Then I strap on the DaddyBjorn. Insert the KP. Zip up the fleece. We're ready to go get our Oysters on. (Which, by the way, I'm not an oyster fan. I was just going for the booze). I have the fleece zipped up high enough, that the only thing you can see from the front is her little pink hat. She looked warm. Coincidentally enough, so was Daddy.
We go in (or outdoors for that matter) and saunter through the party. Man, what an amazing house! Right on the intercoastal. 3 floors. Amazing. Amazing decks with views. Pool. Hottub. Dock. Wow, I wanted to move!
We moved through the crowd to find my partner. People turned to us... "Is that a baby?" "yes, you want her?" Awww.. they chuckled.... I was serious.... "She's so cute" At this point, she was awak, so I opened up one of the side ports so she could get a look around. Man, the ladies came from everywhere! (and this was the real highlight of the night! The KP was a formidable chick magnet! I was the Man! Lightbulbs were going off everywhere... I was a superstar.)
Then we found my partner, and he gave us a tour of the palace. First stop was the garage. This was important in the only fact that they had a Keg-R-Ator! I stopped and gawked for a good 5 minutes. All I saw was this glorious machine, with the tap. I swear I heard angels singing in the background. Even better was that it pumped out Dos Equis Amber. "Would you like a beer Mike?" .... um... well... ummm "Hell yes!" Even got a tall, frosty mug. Ahhhh this is the life.
So the tour continued. The DQ, KP, and a drinking Daddy got led around this amazing house. Then we were done, and went back to the party. I got a refill on my frosty beverage. Ahhhh. Then the DQ and I sauntered around. Ladies (mostly cougars) flocked to me... er... the KP.
Here's some of the comments:
"Awww.... she's so cute." Yes, although she looks more like her Daddy.
"Is that a real baby?" No, just for the ladies. It's working; you came over!
"She's so precious." Yes, for right now... you should see her at 3am.
"Are you sure she's warm?" Well, Daddy's pretty warm right now (as I sip my beer).
"What's her name?" Kemper..... then the standard response "Aw, Kimber, that's so cute" We gave up correcting strangers.
"I know why you're wearing her- to get the ladies!" Yes, maam. It's working too. I got some digits too!
The DQ got in on the act too. She came over once to interrupt a pack of cougars in full gawk- "Are you trying to pick up chicks with my Baby!?!?" Their faces dropped.... Ha ha ha
We must have won the award for Parents of the Year! There we were in about 40degree weather, outdoors, with our 2 month old. Drinking. It was glorious. (Editors note: I did repeatedly check on the KP for warmth, movement, and stinkiness. About 1 hour into the party, she was out like a light! and toasty warm!)
Then we realized that our partying days were over and it was time to go. We said our goodbyes. I tearfully parted ways with my frosty beverage. We made our exit. Got in the hybrid and cruised home.
Ah!
By the way, that night the KP slept 7hours, before waking up to eat! I think I found what we're doing every Friday night from now on!!!!
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