The GolfCart, Version 2.0

So, what's it like rolling with the GC v2.0?

Hmmm

  Is it a tricked out Bentley?

Or a super spacious Double Wide?

 Or a tough, rugged off road vehicle?

Or environmentally conscious?

 

I cannot decide...

Pizzeration - Caught in the Act

Sent from my Verizon Wireless Phone

The Toddler's Code ... BY Style

Got this email from the GC2.0 the other day.  It fits perfectly in our new lifestyle...  Editors notes in italics...

So I present, the Toddler's Code (BY Style)

• If it is on, I must turn it off.
• If it is off, I must turn it on.
• If it is folded, I must unfold it.
• If it is a liquid, it must be shaken, then spilled. (totally) 
• If it a solid, it must be crumbled, chewed or smeared.
• If it is high, it must be reached.
• If it is shelved, it must be unshelved.
• If it is pointed, it must be run with at top speed. (thankfully, not yet...)
• If it has leaves, they must be picked.
• If it is plugged, it must be unplugged.
• If it is not trash, it must be thrown away.
• If it is in the trash, it must be removed, inspected, and thrown on the floor. (Hence... Pizzeration)
• If it is closed, it must be opened.
• If it does not open, it must be screamed at. (unfortunately so...)
• If it has drawers, they must be rifled.
• If it is a pencil, it must write on the refrigerator, monitor, or table. (oh god!... that would be horrific!)
• If it is full, it will be more interesting emptied. (Hence... Pizzeration)
• If it is empty, it will be more interesting full.
• If it is a pile of dirt, it must be laid upon.
• If it is stroller, it must under no circumstances be ridden in without protest. It must be pushed by me instead. (even when I walk like a drunken sailor)
• If it has a flat surface, it must be banged upon.
• If Dad's hands are full, I must be carried.
• If Mum is in a hurry and wants to carry me, I must walk alone.
• If it is paper, it must be torn. (or newspaper or magazines or bills)
• If it has buttons, they must be pressed.
• If the volume is low, it must go high.
• If it is toilet paper, it must be unrolled on the floor.
• If it is a drawer, it must be pulled upon.
• If it is a toothbrush, it must be inserted into my mouth.
• If it has a faucet, it must be turned on at full force.
• If it is a phone, I must talk to it. (or scream at full throat when I cannot)
• If it is a bug, it must be swallowed.
• If it doesn't stay on my spoon, it must be dropped on the floor. (Much to Ham's delight)
• If it is not food, it must be tasted.
• If it IS food, it must not be tasted.
• If it is dry, it must be made wet with drool, milk, or toilet water.
• If it is a carseat, it must be protested with arched back. (Also in this category, if my diaper is dirty, I must protest with arched back!)

 

 

 

 

 

[Source: Paul Dixon's Joke-of-the-Day Zine]

 

 

 

What's the Scoop, Twizzles?

So, ladies and gentlemen of the BY Universe...  what is the scoop?

Well, the GC 2.0 had another successful OB visit.  It turns out that we know what the GC 2.0 is carrying...

...Drumroll Please....


A.... girl.... 


and.....


A ... boy....




Whew!!!

(Editor's Note: That is the sound of the huge monkey being lifted off my back!!!)

Trying to Get Out of the GM

(Editors Note: Here is the completed old entry... sorry for the delay)

So, after our glorious naptime, the Pizz was soooo cute and happy.  I figured it was about time to get out and do some things...  But where to go?  Grocery store?  Too boring...  Park? Maybe later.... Target??  Now you're talking!

So I bring the Pizz back into her room and begin to get her dressed.  Shirt goes on without problems.  Pants... mild difficulty.  Socks... nope!  The girl just wants to be barefoot...  I had her sitting in my lap while I was trying to put the socks on.  Man, that little Pizz squirmed and fussed all over...  Now she is starting to learn about her strength, and ability to use the "wing" to block and defend.  Damned did she try!  10 minutes later, along with a few choice words (muttered in spanish), the socks and shoes were on. 

Now I had to try to make her hair cute!  Oh gosh!  You would have thought I was ripping out her hair.  (Editors note:  unfortunately her hair is in the "in-between" stage....  We're trying to grow it out so that she can look cute and feminine... but it is stuck in messy boyish stage...).  She hates the comb.  But if you give it to her, she puts it up to her hair like she's combing it!  I can't win.  I finally get it in place, with a mild swath of hair over her left eye... that will do!  We're ready (40min later)

We traipse downstairs!  I gather up my keys and phone.  We head outside....  I begin to put her in her carseat, and lean in to buckle her belt....  **sniff, sniff***  whew!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Omigod!  Something ungodly is now in her diapers!  I look at the Pizz...  "Seriously?!?!" I ask...  She just smiles.  I half-contemplate leaving her in it to wallow... but I declined.  I get her back upstairs and begin to disassemble the Pizzle...  and then the moment of truth...  WOWWY!  It was so god awful (she had a supreme pizza the night before), I almost vomited in my mouth.  This action caused a sound and a grimace on my face.  She must have been watching me, because she started laughing uncontrollably.  "Gee, thanks Pizz"  I tried to clean her off... more retching... more Pizz-giggles...

Finally put her back together and back in the carseat...  (an hour later)... and we're off to Target!  Yay!!! I love me some Target... already had my route mapped out... Going to enter and then pull off into the food court... get a soda (which we'll have to refill 8 times before leaving)... maybe a pretzel for the Pizz...  And think of all the entertainment for the Pizz... Sweet!

We get there.... hooray!  No Pizz-eruptions.  I get her out and walk into the store.  Yay yay... Place her in the buggy and mosey on into the food court... "awwww" says the girl behind the counter...  "She's so cute..."  "I know... she takes after her daddy".  She frowned at me and took my order.  Pretzel combo...

The I pulled off with the Pizz, got my Diet Coke/Cherry Coke mix and stood there and ate the pretzel.  She loved it...  And we ate the pretzel... and we ate the pretzel... and we ate the pretzel... Now we're about 15-20minutes into our Target time, and we haven't moved from the Food Court.  I was ok with this for a little while, because I had already gotten 3 refills, but now I was starting to get antsy...

Time to move on and enjoy the store... I pulled out of the FC.  "Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!"  Really, Pizz?  What's up?  I tried to make faces as I moved farther... nothing.  Maybe she wanted more pretzel... So I gave her some more and tried to move on....  "Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!"  Now what?  She looked longingly at my Diet Coke and started making smacking motions with her mouth.... "Oh, I'm such an evil father... no water!!!"

We go back to the FC and the girl... "Awww..."  "Can I get a glass of water?"  "Sure"  I go fill it up and give it to her with a straw...  She gulps it down.  Whew!!!  We're good to go!  I get another refill for myself and pull out of the FC again...

"Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!"  "Seriously?!?!?  Now what?  I have nothing left to give!"  I shuddered....  But she would have none of it... Then she brought on a serious, full bore tantrum...  with screaming and body shaking and head throwing/snapping...  Oh my god, is this really happening to me in a public place....  I look over a the girl behind the FC counter, who was staring aghast at the Pizz and my obviously poor parenting skills...  Great... No more cute daddy. 

I pick her out of the buggy and walk around a little bit.  This calms her down some.  I try to put her back in the buggy, but she wants nothing to do with it.  I realize that we're going to have to leave and go home!  Oh no!!!  "But we're so close, Pizz?"  We start walking out (not after I claim my 6th refill) and then she's back to cuteness.....  Seriously, Pizz???  I try to turn back in, for one last futile effort... But she screams again...

"Alright, Kemper you win!  We're going home" 

I put her back in her carseat, and she promptly falls asleep.  Sheesh! 

At least someone's happy...

Left You Hanging!

Yes, I know... I didn't finish the weekend...

I tried to, but the Pizz is now too mobile.  I do have a post saved, that I have to work on completing.   Also, the weeks are tougher now, because we're getting busier and the Pizz is more time-consuming...

But, don't worry fellow BY Followers...  I'll get right back to work...


... er... maybe tomorrow.... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Through the Morning!

Well, 6 AM came too soon this morning!  And it wasn't because of the Pizz....  Ham needed to get up and go.  Unfortunately his barking awoke the other beast, and away went the morning!

I went in to get the Pizz, and was welcomed by a standing, smiling baby... Ahhhh how cute!  Then I picked her up..... Ahhhh how wet!!!  Sweet!  It was almost as if she was saying to me: "Welcome to the weekend, Daddy!!!"  So she got changed, and then we all went downstairs for breakfast.

She had bananas covered in rice cereal and I had cheerios.  Then she had cheerios... and then Ham had cheerios.  Then we briskly walked out in the front yard to let the Ham do his business...

Soon it was back upstairs to play in her room.  By far one of the best moments in this morning, and any morning, for that matter comes when you put the Pizz on her floor.  She gets placed right in front of her toy cabinet, and she knows what's coming.  She does a little Pizz dance, and then... you slide the door open....  At that moment, the pure joy flashes across her face, along with a cute "Ahhhhhh-hhhhh!!!", as she sees her toys!

So we played with books and cups and rattles.  She sometimes becomes the anti-GC2 by just taking stuff out of her cabinet, and throwing it all over the place.  "Pizz-eration!"  Then, the sign that Daddy was waiting for...the I'm sleepy sign... the hand wiping across her eyes and nose....  Hooooray!!!!  I look at the clock, 9am.  She's like clockwork. 

But I realize that I'm sleepy too, so I decide to have a family nap time.  I pick her up and carry her into our room, and lay down.  She's laying right in the middle, to my left.  She lays there with her pacy and binky and starts to snooze.... ahhh!  So do I.  So peaceful, so cute... definitely one of those "I love to be a Daddy" moments......

I begin to doze off.... ker-pow!  I get the left fist of cuteness to my noggin.  Then I get slapped some more.... followed by giggles... Uh Oh... She's not asleep, and now, neither am I.  She fidgets and wiggles, slaps and smacks... gets up and sits down... squirms and worms.... Now she has positioned herself to be perpendicular to me, with her feet jabbed in me belly... Great.... A couple of kicks here and there....  and then... silence...

Really??  I peek one eye open.... Yes!!! 

She's finally asleep

To Be Continued...

A Super-Duper Daddy DayCare Weekend!!!

(Editor's note:  We're back online.  Earlier this week, with the initiation of Phase 2.5 of the GM reno, some trees started to come down.  Unfortunately, so did the cable... but now we're back!!!)

So, as I type this entry, the GM is solely occupied by the Editor, Ham, and The Pizz.  The GC2 has blown this taco-stand!  Where, you might ask? 

To Iowa... of course!!!  For her annual ServeHaiti fundraiser.... 

This leaves the Pizz in the loving arms of the Editor...  ahhhh yes!

I can see how this weekend goes... she and I laying up all weekend... laying around on the couch in our diapers... drinking sauce from our sippy cups... learning the intricacies of the spread offense or how the NFL is much more physical....  eating peanut butter out of the jar!!!!

Ahhhh what a lovely dream!


To Be Continued....

Secret KemperVision!!!

Sent from my Verizon Wireless Phone