So, the day started off a day like any other... I cruised through my hospital patients, and then was making my way thorugh the attending lounge for my 4th Diet Mountain Dew of the morning (Editor's Note: The Attending Lounge is like the coolest place on earth. I mean, free food, and a
fountain machine for unlimited supply of DMD! I could never go home again!!!!)
Then I get an iMessage from the DQ. "Call daycare".
Uh-oh. That's not good. Some kizzle probably has a fever or something. Who puked on who? I call. "Hey, its Kemper. She fell over, and hit her head against a table...." UH OH! Mind starts racing... KP out cold on the floor... Heart rate starts going up a bit... "and she cut her eye. She might need stitches." Oh... I'll be right there.
I hang up, gulp down my DMD, get a refill to go (Hey, you never know how much caffeine you'd need in a day!, especially if stitches are required!) and cruise out the door. My mind is racing as I take the Nina over to daycare. Man, stitches.. Not good. I'm going to have to cancel my clinic and stay in the ED. Who do I call down there to get the "white-glove treatment". Oh, god... down there with the Cuteness and the riff-raff...
I get to daycare, and hop on the office. There is KP sitting on the Principal's lap. Stoic. Awww.. She's my little trooper. She doesn't react to my arrival. It's almost like she was drugged.... Hmmm...
I come over and kneel down to the Pizz. Hey baby! "Hi Daddy. I was playing with *** and she threw a telephone at me, and hit me in the eye. Now I've got a big boo-boo!" Oh. (Editors note: This girl is suuuuper hypochondriac. I mean she gets boo-boos all the time, due to her supreme lack of coordination. But each and every one of them requires exquisite care... for weeks! Yesterday she yelled at me because I pulled her undies up too fast over a booboo on her knee!... that's been there for 2 weeks. I could barely even tell it was there- the scab looking like a fleck of sand!)
So I take a big gulp and survey the Pizzle damage... Thankfully the bleeding had stopped. I am not sure how I would react to my kizzle's blood. I don't know if I want to find out. I try to sound really doctorly in front of the 3 teachers in the room. Hmmm, I say, there is a lack of apposition of adiposity here. Hmmm... the angulation is off a bit. ... Hmmm.... I'll have to call my wife! So I snap a photo with my iPhone and send it to the DQ. One part of the wound worries me, and I figure stitches might be in order. A call from the DQ, who ran down to the ED to get their opinion, confirmed at least a visit would be required.
Ok KP, I say, do you want to go on an adventure? She brightens up. "Yeah!" OK, Pizz, we're going to the hospital to see where Mommy and Daddy work! "Yea.. the hossapil!" She jumps out the lap, and I lead her out to my car.
Minutes later, we're amongst the drunks and riff-raff in the triage bay of the ED. I had my fancy clinic clothes on (no scrubs today) and my badge... but no white-glove service... We finally get checked in and taken back. KP is wide-eyed, but she spots a fish-tank. "Look, Daddy, an aquarmamum!" Yes, baby, we'll see the fishies later. (secretly glad that she still has vision). Ok... "Where's mommy?" Hmmm... I don't know... She's around here somewhere! We turn the corner... and there is the DQ! We then get our vitals taken... she gets weighed, temped, and even a mini-BP cuff. She was soo good. It was actually like her little vet toy set at home. All the ER staff is looking at us like, huh, why are they here.... Our thoughts exactly!!!
I got paged out of the room (still got to play doctor!), and when I came back, the PA was doing an exam ... and the screaming began too! Poor Pizzle-sticks... She looked and then left to get the MD. There was some mumbling about "plastic surgeon" "stitches" and "conscious sedation." I got woozy! Then I realized that I didn't have my insurance card... (Long story, but let's just say that the we got new ones in the mail that I hadn't put in the wallet yet). So while we were waiting, I was sent
home to gather our info. This day can't get any better!
I run home, scramble around our office, find the cards, and run out. In transit, I called my office and cancelled my morning... alas... RVUs down the drain! Oh well, this could be a painful, and expensive, day in the ED (although, most days in the ED are painful)
As I pull back into the ED, I get a text from the DQ. "All good. The MD thinks that to suture the lesion and put her at risk with sedation is not worth the extra benefit of sutures and aesthetics. It should heal well on its own." OK. Sounds great to me. I mean, shesh, it's only her eye! Wasn't looking forward to sedation anyway! I mosie my way back to the exam room, and I open the door to see KP chomping on graham crackers and chugging an orange gatorade. "Look Daddy! I got crackers and juice!" Great... "Oh, and I got stickers too!" Well, I guess she's back to normal now.
But of course, she didn't want to go back to school. She hammed it up and wanted to go home! Alas.
Maine had to go back to work, so I was tasked with somehow getting the Pizz back home to the aupair. I had to use the bribe of the aquarmamum to get her out of the ED.... But then she wanted to play with the toys. I had to bribe her with another cookie. Then I had to pay the bill!!! $$$$$
Alas... I can think of cheaper ways to take Kemper to work!
Obviously, she is back to herself.... but now hopped up on gatorade, cookies and sugar!
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