Wednesday, October 05, 2011

BY Case Files: The Mountains!

Well, somehow we survived the vacation to the mountains.  I'll try to summarize, and humorize, in snippets.  What I'd like to call, the BY Case Files- The Mountains!

The "Are We There Yet?" File: Man, what a brutal drive up.  5.5 hours of solid driving was tough on ye old touchy!  The Twizz obliged like we thought, sleeping most of the way through.  The Pizz, well, let's just say that she was intrigued by the sights and sounds.  She didn't fall asleep until right before we pulled into the compound (this was a recurring theme for the rest of the trip)

The "Pizz Wants to Watch a Mooovie" File: well, she knows about the TV in the "miniban sky".  We tried to push it off as long as possible... but eventually had to relent and put in Dora... alas.

The "Sleeping with Your Whole Family in One Room is not what Its Cracked Up to Be" File: yup.  Imagine the scene... the Twizz in a pack-n-play in the master closet.  The Pizz in the loaner pack-n-play in the master bedroom.  The DQ2.0 and Editor in the master bed.  There was no restfulness for any adult.  Every night a kizzle wound up in our bed, sometimes multiple.  A couple of nights a kizzle left a special present!! (Editors Note: hopefully this all washed out, and we won't get dinged for it!)

The "New State of BY Vacations" File: Gone are the days of the DQ2.0 packing everything we'd need in one suitcase.  Gone are the times of packing for Europe for 2 weeks in a large suitcase.  Now we were lucky packing up everything into the Santa Maria.  There were Legos, yogurts, pee-lows!,  books, moo-vies, bouncers, pack-n-plays, coolers, strollers, suitcases, mountain shoes!, sodas, food, formula, diapers, g-diapers, and a bumbo.  Oh, and I forgot to mention the wine!

The "Abstinence Tour Rolls On" File:  yup, there we were.  Coming to a town near you!!! We even added some new participants (Kasel and Adam, and their new baby Isla).  We were quite a site strolling around western NC, screaming babies in hand!  The looks were either that of sheer horror or of cute joy.  Most were of sheer horror!  We even took the tour to some obscure Presbyterian college (that which I cannot remember the name right now) and shocked the college co-eds!  Man, if we didn't stop some teenage pregnancies this weekend...



The "Urine PTSD" File: The Pizz is still working through her potty and diaper issues.  As she is growing, it appears that her bladder is now toooooo big for those G-diapers.  They are woefully undermatched, especially if she drinks gobs of juice!  Unfortunately the recipient of said tee-tee was the Editor.  The Pizz had a fondness of sitting in my lap throughout the weekend, and then deciding to relieve herself!  Unfortunately, said G-diaper did not contain the tee-tee onslaught, leaving my jeans wet.  Towards the end of the weekend, I thought that everytime she got off my lap, I had urine on me.

The "One Thing We Forgot!!!" File: unfortunately, we forgot her potty chair.  This was rather painful, since we were still trying to teach her to use the potty.  This meant said parent had to hover over the potty, holding the Pizz.  This was not the best angle, and led for some serious discomfort for the Pizz.  Needless to say, she didn't go tee-tee in the potty all weekend.

The "Let's Take 3 Kids into a Deep Cavern 600 Ft into the Side of a Mountain" File: Yup.  Just by the title of this one, you can imagine how this is going to go.  Somehow, I didn't comprehend what we were doing until we were smack dab into it.  Call it sleep deprivation.  Imagine, if you will, each adult manning a kizzle (Merle had Mila, DQ2.0 had Coco, and Editor had Pizz).  Then imagine going on a tour of a cave cut out of the mountain.  Seconds into the tour, the door shut.  The Pizz started freaking out!  I looked around, and instantly realized the horror of what we had just done!  No amount of soothing, bouncing, walking, singing, dancing, hopping, sashaying, or cajoling could soothe her.  I don't remember any part of the tour, and was too ashamed to look at the other people in it (whose tour we had ruined).  I just kept as far behind as possible.  Still didn't work.  We even did a switch out with the DQ to no avail.  This was the longest 20minutes of my life.  When we finally ended the tour, I grabbed the Pizz and ran out of there, like a screaming banshee, never making eye contact with anyone else.

The "Biggest Private House in America" File: Of course, we had to go to the Biltmore.  Quite an impressive estate, replete with its own mansion, gardens, farm, petting zoo, river, lake, barn, and winery.  This was a great day for the BY crew: we toured the house, toured the gardens, had a picnic on the river, went to the petting zoo, and even had ice cream.  Alas, we did not make it to the winery.  Shame.

The "Abstinence Tour Takes on the Biltmore" File: There are so many snippets from this one.  But the first and probably everlasting comes on arrival to the estate.  This place is like DisneyWorld.  They ferry you into different parking lots along the hillside.  As we pull into our spot, right 2 spots into a parking lot, we smell something fairly heinous.  As we all get out, we take turns sniffing the perps.  It was a triple whammy!  But, since the lot was tiiight, we had to do this out of the trunk.  So each BY kizzle got their diaper changed.  This occurred as cars were streaming into the lot, driving right by us.  Each car had lovely views of my kizzles backsides as their individual poopie diapers were being changed.  Lovely.  I thought we were going to get kicked out right then and there.  Unfortunately, the Double Deala was the major offending agent today.  She decided to violate her evil diaper profoundly.  This included gobs of stinky babypoo evacuating just north of her buttocks and up her backside.  This, of course, soiled her onesie (majorly) and her overalls (minorly).  Unfortunately, we didn't pack backup clothes.  Yup!  So the DD, had to go country style through the tour- no onesie, just overalls.  Elegant.  Totally what the Vanderbilts had envisioned.


The "Daddy Nap Time" File: Oh yes.  Daddy took one lovely mid-afternoon nap.  Ahhh one hour of pure bliss.  Too bad it had to end....


The "Long Road Home" File: Well, all good things had to come to an end.  So did the Mountains!  Since we were going home during the afternoon, we had to figure out something to do to break it up.  So we drove back on I40, through more populous areas.  We stopped in Winston for lunch and play time.... for a sum total of 3 hours.  We also stopped outside of Raleigh.  Thus the trip home took 8 friggin hours!  Everybody took naps... except for the Editor!


The "You Can't Go Back to the Past" File: We decided to stop in Winston for lunch.  Perfect idea!  We drove through the town, and it was like old times... Ahhhh 3 years ago... We were married, sans-kizzles, and care-free!  We got nostalgic at the loft and seeing the creation of a park right in front of it!  Then we went to our old stomping ground- Mellow Mushroom, downtown W-S!  So nice when we cruised on in.  Unfortunately 5 minutes into our lunch, we were reminded of the cruel realities of our current situation.  All 3 kizzles erupted in cries.. Pizz wanted "pizza!", Coco was hungry!, and Mila was Mila.  Our memories evaporated in 1 quick whimper.  Fortunately, the whole place was loud enough, that no one heard our screams

At the 'Shroom, Winston

The "Lock the Door" File: So during our last pit-stop, the Editor had to go potty.  Pizz wanted to go too, and didn't want DQ to take her.  So there I was carrying the Pizzle into a truckstop gas station.  I could only imagine what filth I was going to get into...  Then I started wondering how this was going to play out, since I don't like to sit down in these stinky places.  This could get interesting.  We walk into the store and turn right for the bathrooms.  I reach down, grab the handle, seeing that it wasn't locked, opened the door.  There right in front of both our eyes was a dude using the toilet.  "Whoa!" I screamed...  "Whooooa!" the dude shouted... "Whoa! Whoa!" screamed the Pizz.  I slammed the door shut, hoping that the image that was now burned into my retina did not translate to the Pizz's.  I scurried out of the store, forgetting about my bladder.  Pizz kept mumbing "Whoa! Whoa!"  I mean, seriously, who doesn't lock the friggin door to a truckstop bathroom!  Oh my god!


The "We're Almost Home" File:  Like right on cue, almost 5 minutes outside of Wilmington, the car erupts.  The Twizzles are screaming... the Pizzle starts screaming.  It's almost like they know its on like Donkey Kong.  Thank goodness I didn't get a ticket flying through the town!.


Whew...  All done.

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