Well, it turns out that Kemper-Call is much worse than my cardiology overnight call.
Overnight Monday was the day of reckoning. How would we survive with my call and the KP? I didn't know and was very nervous. The DC was the bomb! Every time the KP cried (which actually is getting back to her honeymoon stages) the DC got up. She tried to keep me sleeping, but I woke up too.
But then, the night was over and it was time to get up.
So I got up first and showered, while leaving the DC to do her D-thing to the KP. Then I got out and toweled off. The KP was finished, and she was passed off to her daddy. Ahhh.... I love it when she's drunk on the sauce. So, I'm holding her while the DC showers. Sniff, sniff... Daddy's got a present! Well, I guess I'll go do my fatherly duties. So I paddle of to the nursery, half dressed (in boxers and scrub pants), to cleanse my KP's behind. Hamilton does his doggie duty, and follows me into the room. He likes to do this now, actually leads the way and opens the door for me... how nice!
So I put her down in the changing table. She does her usual squirming. "Damn, Fidget! Hold still." I check the outside diaper... GREEN STRIPE!!! Ah, must be ready to go! Let's look under the hood- Oh, boy was it! Baby poop was everywhere! Every crevice, up her backside... Wow! So I dutifully wipe her down. She somehow is quiet during this whole endeavor... Aw, nice girl... (I should have known better) Then I pull away the used diaper and ready the new one.... KP's grunts a little.... Hmmmmm... what's that?
I turn my head in her northern direction and look. All of a sudden she coughs and then opens up the floodgates!!! Milk shoots out of everywhere!!!! Out of her mouth! out of her nose!!! out of her freakin' ears!!! I swear I saw milk from her armpits too!!! (The DC told me when she did this earlier, but I didn't believe her!) KP spewed the stuff everywhere, while turning her head in a side to side motion. It was straight out of the Exorcist, with milk instead of vomit! Oh My GOD! I instantly jump back to dodge the streams, while letting out a frightful shriek. I hear the dog scurry from the room (man's best friend my ass). I get nailed all down my lower right scrub leg. Gross!
She finally stops (I think she unloaded like 4 gallons... wow!). And starts coughing a little. Then I assess the situation in an instant. Here I was half dressed in scrubs with milk down my lower right leg. My 2wk old daughter just spewed breakfast everywhere and now is coughing. She might be choking a little, and probably needs to be burped. I should pick her up. Then I look at her bottom.... exposed!!!! Oh crap!!! I hadn't put the diaper on!!! I instantly saw myself burping the KP, and then getting pooped on. Oh no!!! This wouldn't be good. Especially since I didn't have a shirt on and was nowhere near a burp cloth. Then I saw a picture of myself with babypoo all intertwined in my man-sweater.... Double ew! Not good. I could be washing and picking that stuff out for days. I had to make an instant decision: baby or mansweater! I knew what I had to do!
I grabbed the diaper in a flash. (Meanwhile the DC is on to the stress.... "Everything ok in there?" "Ummm.... yes.... no!") Slap the diaper on her bottom... tape each of the tabs to something... (i am not sure what)... and then scoop up the KP.
By this time the KP is blissfully asleep, breathing comfortably, without a worry in the world. Daddy, on the other hand, might need to change his scrubs (for a reason other than the milk!) I hold her, and she lets out a nice burp.... then I turn to the nursery door, and see the DC and Ham standing there, quizzical.
"Oh, we're ok now!" Then I look at dog, "Without any help from you!" He sulks a little, and backs out the door.
I pass the KP off to the DC and go back to getting dressed.
Whew!
Overnight Monday was the day of reckoning. How would we survive with my call and the KP? I didn't know and was very nervous. The DC was the bomb! Every time the KP cried (which actually is getting back to her honeymoon stages) the DC got up. She tried to keep me sleeping, but I woke up too.
But then, the night was over and it was time to get up.
So I got up first and showered, while leaving the DC to do her D-thing to the KP. Then I got out and toweled off. The KP was finished, and she was passed off to her daddy. Ahhh.... I love it when she's drunk on the sauce. So, I'm holding her while the DC showers. Sniff, sniff... Daddy's got a present! Well, I guess I'll go do my fatherly duties. So I paddle of to the nursery, half dressed (in boxers and scrub pants), to cleanse my KP's behind. Hamilton does his doggie duty, and follows me into the room. He likes to do this now, actually leads the way and opens the door for me... how nice!
So I put her down in the changing table. She does her usual squirming. "Damn, Fidget! Hold still." I check the outside diaper... GREEN STRIPE!!! Ah, must be ready to go! Let's look under the hood- Oh, boy was it! Baby poop was everywhere! Every crevice, up her backside... Wow! So I dutifully wipe her down. She somehow is quiet during this whole endeavor... Aw, nice girl... (I should have known better) Then I pull away the used diaper and ready the new one.... KP's grunts a little.... Hmmmmm... what's that?
I turn my head in her northern direction and look. All of a sudden she coughs and then opens up the floodgates!!! Milk shoots out of everywhere!!!! Out of her mouth! out of her nose!!! out of her freakin' ears!!! I swear I saw milk from her armpits too!!! (The DC told me when she did this earlier, but I didn't believe her!) KP spewed the stuff everywhere, while turning her head in a side to side motion. It was straight out of the Exorcist, with milk instead of vomit! Oh My GOD! I instantly jump back to dodge the streams, while letting out a frightful shriek. I hear the dog scurry from the room (man's best friend my ass). I get nailed all down my lower right scrub leg. Gross!
She finally stops (I think she unloaded like 4 gallons... wow!). And starts coughing a little. Then I assess the situation in an instant. Here I was half dressed in scrubs with milk down my lower right leg. My 2wk old daughter just spewed breakfast everywhere and now is coughing. She might be choking a little, and probably needs to be burped. I should pick her up. Then I look at her bottom.... exposed!!!! Oh crap!!! I hadn't put the diaper on!!! I instantly saw myself burping the KP, and then getting pooped on. Oh no!!! This wouldn't be good. Especially since I didn't have a shirt on and was nowhere near a burp cloth. Then I saw a picture of myself with babypoo all intertwined in my man-sweater.... Double ew! Not good. I could be washing and picking that stuff out for days. I had to make an instant decision: baby or mansweater! I knew what I had to do!
I grabbed the diaper in a flash. (Meanwhile the DC is on to the stress.... "Everything ok in there?" "Ummm.... yes.... no!") Slap the diaper on her bottom... tape each of the tabs to something... (i am not sure what)... and then scoop up the KP.
By this time the KP is blissfully asleep, breathing comfortably, without a worry in the world. Daddy, on the other hand, might need to change his scrubs (for a reason other than the milk!) I hold her, and she lets out a nice burp.... then I turn to the nursery door, and see the DC and Ham standing there, quizzical.
"Oh, we're ok now!" Then I look at dog, "Without any help from you!" He sulks a little, and backs out the door.
I pass the KP off to the DC and go back to getting dressed.
Whew!
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