This post has definitely lost its umph as time has gone on. In fact, the lack of sleep could easily change my memories of this day. But, here we go...
So last Friday was the day. The GC and I knew it. No more nursery. No more nurses to wisk the Kemper away, off to let us sleep. Nope... we would be on our own. Damn!
That morning I woke up from my fold-over bed (wasn't very comfortable), kiss the GC and go home. I shower, show Ham another blanket (for which he again had no interest), and get him to do his business. Then I go into work. I had to see one patient before I went to the hospital to replace a pacemaker. Everybody wants to see pics of the KP. 'Aw she's sooo cute.' 'She's adorable.' Yup, just like her momma. Then after all that is done, I get back to the BWCWCC to pick up my family.
So there the 3 of us are, waiting in the GC's room to get checked out. I look at the GC- yeah she's ready. I'm pumped. The nurse comes and goes over the discharge packet. We ask questions. Then we're done. "Do you want me to bring up the car seat to put her in?" I ask. "No, you do that downstairs." Hmmm, I guess they do the parental oversight downstairs. Ok. I get out the door. Then I hear the nurse saying goodbye to the GC. "Wait, aren't you coming downstairs with us?" I gasp... "No. The volunteers will be here shortly to help you down." Uh oh! I guess there's no oversight... So I run off to get the car, pull out of the parking lot and ... rain!!! Wow!!! Oh, I forgot the dang TS Danny is rolling by. Lovely. So I cruise hybrid style over to the BWCWCC patient pickup window. Oh, there they are!
So there's the GC holding KP, with two little teenage volunteers drudging our stuff behing her. I pull up close and get out. Alright, lets get moving! Baby first! Hmmm.... "Should we put the baby in the car or take the carseat out?" Issue #1: not knowing how to get baby in carseat. Great. Now I'm getting a little nervous. This isn't as smooth as I thought. "Let's take the carseat out" the GC says. Good... she's the smart one. Alright, I get the seat out and put it on the ground. "No silly, put it on this cart." "Ok, it didn't look that sturdy though. Ok" Alrighty, we're moving forward. Carseat on cart. Baby into seat.... ummm.. Crap... "How do you loosen the harness straps?" I ask. "Hmmm...." goes the GC. Here's where the wheels come off! If the GC doesn't know, we're screwed. So there we were, two highly educated MD's (one with 7 years of postgrad training, the other with more degrees and initials after her name then I can count) who can't get their baby in the seat. We flip the seat over... nope. We shake it... nope. We turn it on its side... nope. We pull, and pull, and pull... nope. I look hopelessly at the volunteers: "You guys wouldn't have an idea here, would you?" "Sorry... hee hee." Lovely. More rain is pouring down. Maybe God is telling us something... Go back inside!!! NO, we drudge on. "I know... I'll get the directions!!!" Yes, whew! I go back in the car, and grab the directions. I flip furiously through the booklet... there!!! OOOOOHHHH!!! I swear I had pulled on that strap earlier. I go back to the carseat from hell, and whoosh! we're golden. Straps loosen. I swear the rain stopped, and a beam of light came down... angels were singing!!! KP into the seat, harness down... we're ready. Whew! We throw the rest of the stuff into the car sheepishly, and then get the hell out of dodge.
Man, if this was the worst of it, we'd be alright..... ha ha!
So we drive, hybrid style, through the downpour home. This gave me an excuse to drive extra slow. KP was asleep through (of course, she couldn't hear the hybrid power!!!) So we pull into the GreenMachine's carport and get out of the car. We gather up our stuff, and the GC goes in first, to try to soothe the cooped up Ham, who coincidentally hates thunder and lightning! He was pretty wound up. I bring in the KP.... Hmmm, he's not interested... all he wants is Mommy and Daddy. Whew, things might be good.
About an hour later, the KP chimes in. Ham, who had just gotten calmed down, jumped up. What the hell was that!?!?!? he must have been thinking. Where is that whining coming from? Then he realizes that it's the KP. And he is all up in her stuff.... sniffing... trying to lick... We get the KP settled back down, and then Ham as well. Then the thunder rolls in.... Ka-BLAMO!!! Are you serious?!?!? Ham goes ape-$@#^!!! Whining, crying and barking! Everywhere. The GC and I look at each other... we knew... we're in for a long evening.
This went on the rest of the day and night. KP cries... Ham cries... we get them settled... thunder rolls... Ham cries... we get him settled.... KP cries.... over and over and over and over and over... By about 4am, I think we wanted to kill something. We were frazzled and sleep deprived. Will this night every end. Fortunately around 6am it did.... Ham passed out from sheer exhaustion, exiting the aforementioned cycle. This just left the GC and I to deal with the KP, who was on some sort of hourly trip. Wow!
What a day! What could happen next!?!?!
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