The Battle of the Air Mattress

In light of the arrival of our furniture, we have to say goodbye to the lovely air mattress. But before it is retired to the closet for future use, we must relive the Battle of the Air Mattress. This courageous battle will be nobly recounted along the lines of other famous battles: Little Big Horn, Gettysburg, and The Normandy Invasion.

It all started the last time we were both at the Green Machine... I was in charge of the mattress inflation. So I pumped it up to standard fullness... or at least what I thought it should be. Basically, I tried to make it like a full, firm mattress.

Man I slept like a log. I was extremely comfortable and dreamt like a baby. Well, apparently I was the only one. The GC couldn't take it at all, supposedly. (All this I find out later, during the opening volley of the Battle). Too stiff, hurts the chassis, yada yada yada...

So when the furniture was removed from the Loft, the GC took over. I was relieved of my Air Mattress command. Demoted to lower grade and rank. I didn't realize why, until much much later. So, Captain GC inflates the Mattress. Seems she likes a more softer inflation... sort of waterbed soft.... hmmm... Now we're the Navy!

Well Night 1 arrives and we plop into bed.... hmmm... Much softer, I think... Yeah, the GC states... Much better on my back. Ok I guess, and I fall asleep. I think I was deep into a dream, when suddenly I feel like I'm in the ocean. Whooosh!!! I'm up in the air, and back down again!! OH, I'm awake now! What happened?!?!? Oh, the GC just shifted positions..... hmmm.... I'm back asleep again... ah.... WHHOOOOSSSHHHH!!!! I'm in the ocean again, and then way up in the air... HEY, I'm up again.... Well, the GC moved positions again. DAMN!!! Hey babe? ... Yeah... Ummm, well, hmmm, ummm, do you think you could... umm... well... hmmm... stop moving? Well, babe, I'll try...

(Editors note: It seems that one of the newer nuances of being the GC is that she can't stay laying in one position for too long. Something about a 20# turkey strapped to her belly... blah blah blah... Well, even in our normal bed, she turns and moves. This is really tough now. She needs an alarm, similar to moving trucks when they back up, **beep, beep, beep***.... Imagine this in the Water-Air Mattress.... )

Well, try as the GC might, she couldn't stay in one place too long. All night was the same experience: WHOOSH!! up and down, up and down!! I think around 3am I threw up from sea-sickness. Needless to say, I didn't get much sleep that night....

So I went to work the next day exhausted. Somehow made it through the day, said my goodbyes, picked up the GC, and then drove down to the GM. We make it in, and then have to set up the Air Mattress for the night.

Babe, I'll set up the Mattress tonight. No, that's ok, I got it. Well, babe, you know that last night wasn't very lovely. Well, she says, I cannot sleep on the Mattress that firm. But I can't do the waterbed....

Uh-oh... Mount Hormone erupted. Steam spewed forth from her ears... venom from her mouth... I think the BY actually got in on the act... I tried to fight back gallantly. I looked to some other male hormones for help, but Hamilton had already taken up refuge around the corner. Man's Best Friend, my behind!!! He left one behind.... Battle lines were clearly drawn...

Let us just say, the rest of the sleeping experience was on the Water-Air Mattress.

Ahoy Mateys!!!