A Visit to the New OB, BY Style!!!

Well, today was a very eventful day for the BY Crew!

First on the Docket was a visit to the new OB. I say Docket, because this was all prepared and planned a couple of days ago. I supposedly was in on the planning, but I have forgotten. (Editors note: This is becoming a recurring theme for me as we progress in the BY Universe... I forget stuff. Sometimes, I even forget to blog! Oh ... my... Gawd!!!)

Anyways, we're up early, as usual. But this is due more now to having strange people in our house. We don't want to be seen in our skivies! Actually, the GC is up and piddling about, as I toss in the bed. Even Ham is up, usually to get his treat...

So the electricians arrive for some more electrical work in the kitchen. Damn, we want our kitchen ASAP!!! Man, it seems like a never ending story... Um... where was I? Oh yes, the OB

So I'm up now and ready to go. We hop in the GC Hybrid and whosh! we're off at the speed of green! We make it to the office in like 5 minutes. (Note: The Green Machine is right behind the hospital. Just a couple of random turns throughout our neighbor, over a couple of speed humps... hee,hee... and we're there)

We go in.

"Yes, I'm Charmaine Lewis here for an appointment." The lady looks approvingly at my glowing bride. "And who are you?" (At this moment, here in the waiting room amongst these other patients in their various levels of OB-dom, I paused. I could see their disapproving looks. Who was this schmuck? Why are they looking at me this way? Oh no! I didn't have my ring on!!! You see, one of the side effects of most recent battle with the dropsies is that my ring won't fit on my ring finger. Actually it won't fit on any finger! Hmm. So I've been having fun with it at our various levels of public display. Trying to pick up the chickies with my new-found bachelorhood! I'd turn and say, "Hey babe, what's your sign? Oh her, as I turn to the GC, she's my driver!" Yes, it was working perfectly.... until today!)

Who was I??? Now I realized why the looks. I was some dude who couldn't figure out how to use a jimmy, and got this poor beautiful girl preggos! I'm the idiot! She's not even legit! Damn, I thought. Backfire!

"I'm the husband!" I said proudly, puffing out the chest. Humpf, she says. "Have a seat over there."

So, we sit. and wait. and wait...

"Ms Lewis" Damn, they do think she's single. F!!! "Come with me."

I get up timidly. Do I go too?!?!? I sheepishly ask. "No," she says with a disapproving look, "she's going to the lab." Oh. I turn and sit back down. THE LAB!?!?!?!? I've been to the lab recently. Didn't turn out so well.... I get a little clammy in the seat. Uh oh!! Man, I couldn't be pregnant. I think I made a little piddle in the seat. The really old lady next to me leaned over... "I do that too". Thanks.

The GC comes back. I scan here arms for signs of battle. No gauze. Looks like she's coming back with all the holes she left with! Whew!!! I straighten up.

"You ok?" I ask. "Yes. They just wanted me to pee. I couldn't fill even a 1/4 of the cup." Seriously!?!? You're kidding?!?!? Now her bladder shuts down... when it matters the most! This BY's certainly not going to be a gamer. I was hoping the GC's genes would solidify our offspring. I had dreams of the BY being a pro-athlete... alas.

So we wait some more, and finally get called in. I'm allowed to come to, being the baby-daddy and all. We get into the exam room. Seems pretty nice. A little old.... the exam table was circa 1970s. And the stirrups were out. Oh GOD!!! Not the stirrups!!!! (er... I think their called footrests now... but damn!!!). The GC plops right on the exam table and waits. I couldn't sit still. Didn't know where to go. Should I sit here or there? Should I just stand? Man, I was a stammering idiot. The GC says, calmly, just come sit next to me. Ok.

Then the Dr comes in. Nice guy. Gray hair. Looks solid, but has a little limp. Hmmm, wonder why he has a hitch in the gitty-up. I didn't care. I only had one question: can you catch? As first he seemed a little cold, but then we gave him a little note from our other OB. (Note: Dr Pollard was a great dude. Saved the Maine's life. And shot the shit with me at 3 am about dogs and fishing. I don't fish, but at 3am after the hellacious events prior, I really wanted to. But really really great doc. This new guy was his Chief Resident.... so he comes highly recommended.) He then warmed up considerably. Great.

Then after about 5 mins, he goes "Time for the exam." Wait no more chit chat!?!? Really??? He goes right for the belly!! Whew!!! All the while I'm trying to gauge his hands. I think he can catch? The GC easily lays down. Like a pro! I guess she's used to this by now! yada yada yada... blah blah blah... Things look good. Doppler's the heart... Check. I still get goosebumps hearing that stuff, although the speed makes me think I can ablate it! We're done.

"Great." He says... "I think you'll have to come back in a week or so. You have many MD's to meet." And he's off! What!?!?! Many MD's to meet?!?!?! Er... what do you mean??? Dude, you're the one. Then I realize the way modern medicine is... Humpf.

Can they catch?

So we paddle out to the check out line, and meet the devil incarnate: the checkout lady! I figured, as the babydaddy, I should sit off to the side. So most of this I hear off in the distance.
"So we have an appointment next Thurs at 10:15."
"Hmmm. That's my second day of work. I don't think I can miss that. Do you have something else?"
"Hmmm.... that's it." I think I see a pitchfork rising over the counter.
"Really?.." (Like they only see patients one day a week??)
"Maybe Thurs at 2."
"Umm... you see, that will still be my second day of work. Do you have something on another day?"
"Well you can see Dr. W again on Monday at 9:15..."
"Hmm... well, I think the whole point of this visit was for me to meet a different physician. Maybe you have someone else I could see?..."

This goes on and on for another 5 minutes. Steam is shooting out of both pairs of ears now. I considered interjecting some usefull babydaddy knowledge, but wisely thought against it. Plus, all my adrenaline had washed out of my body; the chair was really comfortable. I don't even hear how a compromise was reached, but somehow there was.

The GC ambles off, not looking back at the bee-yotch. But I do.... WOW!!! That lady was shooting laser beams!!! WOW!!! I wanted to come over the counter and throw the atomic elbow. I was ready. Time for the BabyDaddy to rise up and take ownership!!!

But I didn't want to make a scene. I didn't want the Po-Po to be involved, especially since I got my shiny new NC license. I would let her live another day.

I walk out with the GC, put my arm around her, and say "You want some coffee?"
"Yes. You read my mind."

Yes I did. In fact, I needed a large cup too.