A BY Field Trip!!!

So today started like any other... wait, maybe not...

I was dreaming nicely. Snoozing away in my comfortable bed. The phone rings. Really!?!? (Editors note: One of the pains of having a home phone line is that now we get harrassed by everything. Leukemia society... Salvation Army... Labrador Society... the Salvation of Leukemic Labradors Society... blah blah blah. The Do Not Call List is not working yet.)

Who the hell is calling on a Saturday morning? Then I hear a familiar voice...

"Mikey... Mikey.... Wake up! Waaaakkkee Up and join your wife on the patio...." Damn her!! Now she is resorting to calling me.

"Wake up..." the message drones..."I have cooooffffeeee!...." That isn't going to do it... not alone.... "And bagels!" I was up in a flash. Yum yum.

"Everything and cinnamon raisin..." I peek my head out the window, and see my blushing bride... the GC in all her morning glory... on our new patio bench with the bagels.

"Hi!"

This might be a new low in the BY Universe. Resorting to the home phone and answering machine to wake me up. So over our lovely breakfast of bagels and diet pepsi (i like DP instead of coffee), she then lays our her plan. (Damn she's getting good at this...)

"Let's go to the beach!" Err.... um... eh? "Yeah. Let's go and relax. We're not going to do anything today anyway." Well maybe she was right. But I had to at least study some. So I compromised. Let me read for 2 hours and then we'll be off. She agreed.

Two hours later we were prepping to go. Ham got excited too. Sorry bud, no field trip for you. Just adults today. We gather our sun screen (the GC needs her SPF 1 million sun tint!), chairs, towels, and minicooler. Pack it up in the 4Runner, and we're off. We're cruisin' to Wrightsville Beach. We make it there in 15 minutes. Sweet!!! We're giddy as little girls! We crest the bridge to the island. Hooray!!!

Crapo!!! Traffic. Seems everyone and there cousin had the same plan as the GC. The beach trip comes to a screeching halt! Damn!!! I hate traffic. The GC says, "Argh... I'm sorry. You hate traffic."

I do. Hate traffic!!! Painful. This also means that parking is going to be horrendous. It was. I bypass the really long line, that wanted to go north on the island. I went south, thinking it would be faster. Nope.

We cruised the 2 mile southern tip. Circled the tip and around and back again. I think we went around like 3 times!! We even cruise through a small public parking lot that was more crowded beyond belief. I was about to bail out, when the GC says "Go back to the lot and sit there." Er, what do you mean? "That's the only place that looks like it is moving. So find a row and hover until someone leaves." Yes ma'am!

So we go back, and I find the back row. Nobody was leaving. I just turn the corner and post the 4Runner into hover position. Ready, boss! "Good now wait!!!" Wait we did. Cars kept driving past us, giving us the mal-de-ojo, but we didn't budge. We were going to the beach dammit! But after 30 or so minutes, I was breaking. I was just about to put the car in drive and beat it out of there, when some middle aged women pops out of nowhere next to a SUV. Right in front of us. The GC and I saw this lady at the same time. We both punched the GC's window button... "Are you leaving?" Yes, but in a minute. "Ok, we're patient."

Damn it took her for-ever to pack her car. The GC wondered out loud why she needed such a big car. We found out... oh yes we did! Seems we were watching a family of 4 womens. Grandmother, daughter, sister, and young kid. They all lost the pregnant-not pregnant game. Whew they were large and in charge. So we waited for them to pack and unpack their SUV. Oh, come on already! Let's get a move on her, we're losing daylight!!! Finally, they're packed. The lady pushed the auto button and the hitch closes. (Editors note: why is this button there? I can see it if your hands were full and couldn't close it. But damn, I think we're getting lazy. She could have closed it on her own. It would've been quicker.) The hitch lowers, but then it goes back up. WTF!?!?!? Why!?!?!? WHY ME!?!?! Oh gosh. It lowers down again, and then goes back up. Damn. I see the reason why. The lady's wallet is on the back bumper, impeding our progress. Damn damn damn. I have the GC get out of the car and remediate the situation! Whew!!! We finally pull into the spot. Whew!!! Only 1:30 later than when we left the house!

Woohoo!! We're back on track. The GC and I waddle on the sand out to nice spot, amongst all the other revelers. Ahhhh!!! We nestle down and settle in. Finally. Ahhh, the nice breeze off the water is relaxing. We dine on our lovely lunch of a turkey sub, taking in the sites. We pose for pictures. Damn we're tourists yet!!!

So finally it is time for us to head out to the water. (This is after properly waiting 30 minutes to avoid cramping.) We waddle out to the waves. I'm holding the GC for support, not knowing if she'd be seaworthy. We start to shuffle in the tide. Oh, it seems a little cold. Then we get farther out, and start seeing the waves. These are no kiddie pool waves. The GC pushes me ahead. Wait, shouldn't you break the waves? You're more aerodynamic!!! "No, you go." So I dredge forward, protecting my wife and progeny against the tides. It was tough going, but we finally got settled in a nice spot. Lovely. We lounged, floated, dodged waves. It was lovely. And the GC floats!!! She was seaworthy afterall. Then, I had a vision of the BY inside the GC doing some swimming of her own!! I wonder it she could tell that she was not under the influence of gravity.

We get out and go back in to our beach nest. Then the GC plops down on the towel. "Humpf! I can't lay on my belly anymore!" Then we both come up with the same idea instantly. We'll dig a hole! A special parking for the GC! A hole in one! I diligently scoop out some sand, and wah-la!!!. A parking made for a queen. I move the beach towel over, and presto. She sidles up and lays down oh-so-elegantly in the spot. "Ahhh.... perfect!!!"

The rest of the day was spent comfortably in the shade. Enjoying a lovely day in the NC sunshine, BY-Style!!!