Friday, around 6pm. Ham had already eaten his dinner and was starting to do the pee-pee dance. I figured I had to to my daily chore, and go for an andar (spanish for walk... Ham has learned "walk" so we switched about 3 years ago. Somehow the Spanish language escapes the poor dog, and he still hasn't figured it out.)
Anyway, I grab his long, extendo-leash with choke chain. From out of the back corners of the Green Machine, he comes barreling around the corner. I put the leash on, and we're off. A walking we go... Ham sniffs... hikes leg... marks... moves on... On and on we go. Sniff/hike/mark/move. Yada yada yada.
We turn the corner and head home. As we get closer, I see our next door neighbors out in the yard. Hmmm. I think, I should go and introduce myself. Be friendly and neighborlike. Not like in Tampa, where we just starting talking to our neighbors right before we left. But then my shyness starts to creep in... don't go over, walk home... No I can't, the GC would kill me! Just the other day she was saying how we had to be more outgoing and friendly. I agreed. So I made up my mind to do it. I should've been shy.
I wave to them, and step closer to their yard. "Hey, I'm Mike. I just moved -" Just then I saw they had a big black lab, not on a leash. Flash of panic. (Editors note: Ham has a problem, er, maybe two problems, er .... make that 3 problems. 1: He sharts (but this has been cured with his recent trip to the beauty salon for some anal glandial cleansing.) 2: He hates/kills cats. and 3. He has some pretty terrible leash aggression. Really bad. But doesn't do a lick of anything when off in the dog park. But Maine and I have tried everything, except maybe tasering. That might be next.) Hmmm... thoughts are racing now. Should I risk it? He looks tired, tongue hanging on the road. Yes, must move on.
Just as that races through my head, Ham growls something fierce and starts off for this dog. (who actually was about twice his size... but Ham is ripped fuel!! He doesn't care.) Crapo! Instinct now takes over. I reach down with my left hand to grab his extendo-leash. As I do, I think maybe I shouldn't do that. -- FLASH!!! A searing, pain comes burning from my left ring finger, and shoots up my arm to my head. Uh OH!!! That isn't good. Do I still have my finger? In the midst of all this, I somehow manage to stop Ham inches from Cyrus' (the other lab) face. I reel him back in, all the while still managing to chat with the neighbors. But, thinking damn my finger is on FIRE!!! I couldn't bare to look, but I had to know....
I glance down... the whole section of skin between the innermost and outer knuckle was white and bubbly. I think it actually was sizzling! It looked pretty serious, I thought. Wait a minute, why are my feet going numb? OH NO!!! The wobblies got up to through my arms and started to reach my ears. Muffle muffle.... Oh Crap! This is how I'm going to introduce myself to my neighbors, via 9-1-1. Damn. Focus Daniel-son!!! Feel the Force!!!
I'm trying to focus on their conversation. Nice neighborhood... good area... older people are selling or dying off... blah blah blah... I couldn't help but wonder if they were seeing the blood rushing from my face. Coincidentally, Ham shut up pretty good about this time. I think he sensed what was coming.
Crap crap crap!!! Where was the Maine? She's a doctor, she could save me. Nope, I was alone on this one. I should have chosen what was behind Door #2.... I was going down.
But then, out of somewhere, pain brought me back. Searing pain. Blood curdling pain.... But actually there was no blood; the friction must have coagulated it! (If there was blood, I think I would have surely gone down.) The wobblies were abating. The conversation was moving. And I was still standing!!!! Thank God!!!
So, I finished up the conversation. (Even the really awkward parts where the dude was saying that they were selling the house, because he got laid off. I couldn't come back with something to that one. Maybe I should have told him I almost just severed my finger!) I run back with Ham to the GM.
-MAINE!!! I need you!!! What's up babe? Ham did it again! I hold up my hand, half expecting to see my finger fall off. But it didn't.
Awww, Mikey's got a Bo-Bo!?! She says in her patronizing sort-of way as she approaches smirking. Then when she gets closer and see witnesses the carnage... -OH!!
Yup. Mikey's got a Bo-Bo!
(and I haven't gotten my Disability Insurance yet!!!)
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