Photo update


Well, we've been busy... I know, I'm starting to sound like a broken record.  But really.  And so, at popular demand, I present a photo update:

Mila - taking a break from fussing -  4.5 months

Court - a happy baby - 4.5 months

Big sister with big green eyes - The Pizz at 22 months

And more from the annals of AA:

Mila Mila the Double Deala

Coco Loco

Germ Theory

So, what the heck have you guys been doing over there in BY Universe?  (Editor's Note:  As you can tell, I'm trying to tone down my obnoxious language, so Pizz the Parrot won't repeat everything I say!)

Well, we've been practicing Germ Theory.

Essentially we've been railing against the theories of cleanliness and hygiene, to see what sticks.  Sharing pacies, nipples, bottles, diapers, hands, butts, noses, sneezes, farts......  This plus the venerable petri dish that has become the Pizz!!!


Well, eventually this lovely bit of organized chaos (Editors note:  Did I mention the DQ2.0 has purchased another calendar?  Yup...  This makes 10!) was going to come crashing back to reality.

Last week, it hit!  The Index case is, of couse, the Pizz.  She comes home from daycare a-coughing and a-snotting all over the place.  Failing to "cover her mouth" with her hands (like that would do anything anyway!), the virions were spread around the GM like weeds...  It was only a matter of time...

To the Editor... the GC2.0... Mila-mila Double Deala! ... and Coco Loco- his new "Mexican Fiesta nickname!"  (Editor's note: long story.  Cliff note version: the Editor got conned into cooking dinner's on Thurs.  He ran out of options two weeks ago, and "Mexican Fiesta" was born....  Coco Loco came shortly thereafter.)

So for the past 5-7 days, we've been wallowing in our own secretions.  The Twizzles definitely have it the worst, and are still getting over it.  This has undoubtedly regressed their sleeping habits.

So, please excuse our posting tardiness, while we recover from our own snot!

Farmers market!

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Starting young

Happy Editor's Day!

Well, today was all about survival.  And Photo shoots!!!

While the Pizz was napping.

The Crew, watching Wall-E



Tired Editor!

I think we just got a call from Planned Parenthood to be their spokesmen!

Getting gussied up for Daddy's Day

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The End of the Editor's Innocence

So, well today was fun.

The Editor had sort of a bad day at work (and it is still going... on call!).  But there is always a light at the end of the tunnel.  It occurs at 5pm-ish, when I get to pick up the Pizz.

It totally warms the cackles of my heart for that first moment when she sees me, screams "Daddy!", drops what she was doing, and runs-top speed (... er ...well, as top speed as those little legs can) into my arms. 

Pure awesomeness!!!

So there I was grumpy, driving down the street to the Pizz's daycare.  As I got closer, I started to pick up a little.  Yay!  It's Pizzle time.  (and to that that today is Moe's Tuesdays!  I was downright giddy as a little girl!)  I park and jump out of the car, and stride into daycare. 

Later in the afternoons, they put all the little kids in the multipurpose room prior to pickup.  There is window to the hallway, where you can peek in.  I quickly walked by it, for fear that the Pizzle would see me and start crying.  I pack up her stuff and then walk back to the window.  I peek in.

And I see the Pizz with a older man!  She's standing there, holding his hand, walking him around the room.  Kiddie chaos all around.  Hmmm... how is this dude?  Is her another father?  Humph?  We'll see if he can handle the Daddy!

I walk in.  The Pizz sees me, smiles, and then turns back to the dude and continues to walk around.  Acting coy and sheepish.  Never once trying to turn back to me or play with the other kids.  What?!?!?!  But... it's... Daddy!!

Nope.  She was busy flirting with this guy!  Seriously!!!  I could see it!  And I DID NOT LIKE IT!

My heart sank... my little Pizzle is growing up.  She doesn't love her Daddy anymore... oh no!  I was jealous.  I stood there, waiting for my moment to come...  She didn't pay me any mind...  The Dude was probably in his teens-early 20s, and must be a new afternoon worker...  The Pizz continued to walk him around the room, never once looking over at her dejected Daddy!

I was a broken man.  This is the beginning of the end! 

Finally, the Dude was like, Hey Pizz, there's your Daddy!  She finally relented and slunk over towards me.  I scooped her up and then walked out.  I didn't even allow her to give everyone goodbyes!  Nope!  Had to get her out of these negative influences!  As we left the room, she looked back over my shoulder and waved to him! 

"Et Tu Cutee'?!?"

That sound you heard was the dagger sticking into my back!


Epilogue!

So later that evening, I was telling this exact story to the GC2.0 and Truckballs at Moe's.  I didn't get like a minute into it, when the GC2.0 interrupted me and said "Are you taking about the tall hunky dude that works the afternoons there now?"  What!?!?  Is there a camera somewhere?  She was serious.

"Oh yeah, he was hunky!"

No, GC, he was tall and lanky with tattoos and facial hair... he might have had some coming out of his nose too!

"Oh no!!"  She looks over at Truckballs.  "He was hunky!"

My life is now officially over.

The Stuff that KP Says!!

Hello, BY Universe.  I was going to title this blog entry after the best selling book, and questionable TV series, "$#&!!! My Father Says" but figured the implications are too great.

You see, loyal BY Universe viewers, the Pizz is turning into a glorified parrot!  Yup.  She will repeat almost everything you say, if she feels like it.  She repeats back everything.  Unfortunately, the person she loves to repeat, at almost a 100% rate, is The Editor...

Oh No!  You might be thinking... The Editor has potty-mouth!!  Yes he does.  This must be some sort of cosmic karma inflicted on by the gods!  The Pizz does copy the GC2.0 and Merle (who I might start calling "Truckballs" in honor of her most recent adventures!!), but certainly not to the prodigious rate that she copies me.

Oh boy!

So without further ado:

• "Oh no.  What happened?"  (Usually when she drops something intentionally on the ground)
• Poo Poo.  (No apparent reason.  Not related to gas, tee-tee, or poop.)
• Potty (See above.  Really starting to bother us, since we are slowly trying to potty-train)
• "Ham-i-ton... sit!"  (Usually while standing in front of Ham... holding food)
• "Ham-i-ton... no!!!" (Usually right after, when Ham tries to eat the food from her hand)
• "Mine!" (pretty much everything.  Translates into "I want that")
• "Mila... baby"
• "Coco... brother..."  (Just another attempt at making nicknames by my part.  I think this one might stick!)
• Cake!  (uh oh... We gave Truckballs a cake for her 2-month anniversary last week, and after every dinner she asks for cake... along with making the appropriate sign!)
• "Ashes ashes!"  (She signs this when she wants you to start "Ring Around the Rosey".  She especially loves the "all fall down" part!)
• "What's that?"  (This is usually when she points and stares at something inappropriate.  Like this past weekend, she pointed to an old, wrinkled guy in a speedo at the pool.  I couldn't respond, I just turned and took her in the other direction.  She kept staring, over my shoulder.)
• "Shoes!"  (The Pizz is definitely a girl.  She loves shoes, putting them on, taking them off... somehow she always gets them on the opposite foot!)
• "Paci"  (uh oh!  She has begun to call for it by name...)
• "Baby sleeping"  (Usually right before she tries to wake up a Twizzle)
• "Cool". 
• "Down"
• "Pizza"  (Do I need to explain?)
• "Go Outside!"
• "Change Diaper"  (Just this past evening, the Pizz was crying.  The GC2.0 went in to check on her.  She said to change her diaper....)
• "It's Wet"  (Why?  Asked the GC2.0.  The Pizz pulled out her paci, and says, "Its wet!"  Sure enough it was!)
• "Daddy's car!"  (everytime I pick up the Pizz from daycare, we want outside.  She points at the Nina and says, "Daddys Car!!")
• "Shoes off!"  (pretty much without fail, everytime I drive her to or from school, she cannot stand having her shoes on.  She spends have the ride trying to take off her shoes... screaming!)
• "Daddy Help!!!"  (See above.  Pretty much anytime she wants something and can't do it herself.)
• "Its raining!"  (With appropriate sign gesture)

This list will be updated with further revelations from the Pizz!  Stay tuned.

Strollin'

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Hello Twizzles

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Sacked out!!!

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The Beginning of the Rest of Our Lives - What We've Learned So Far

Eh? You might say?

Well, the GC2.0 has returned to work, officially starting back this past Thursday.  We here in the BY Universe have been gearing up for this for a while now, but weren't sure just how things were going to go.  As this past weekend winds down, we've definitely got some work to do!

• Go figure that the real first day back (Friday) would be a bugger for all 3 adults involved.  The GC2.0 had a long, brutal day at the "office".  The Editor was trashing around in someone's right heart for 4 hours (on a Friday afternoon!), and Merle was busy with the Twizzles who really didn't want to nap!  Sheesh, only the Pizz had a good day.  (and it wasn't even a Pizza Friday!... long story)
• Event Planning has to take on a whole new level.  I mean, we need a first/second/third options...  Merle and I planned to go to the pool the whole Saturday AM to try to tire out the Pizz.  Well, we somehow made it there, but the Twizzles didn't last past an hour....  When we got back into the Santa Maria to set sail for home, we looked at the clock, thinking we spent 4 hours... Much to our chagrin, it was only 1!!!
• The Pizz is really a nonstop Cuteness-in-full-effect!  She has either no fear or no knowledge of the consequences....  She was just strutting around the pool in her swimsuit, and then just abruptly turns and walks into the water!  Thankfully, the Editor was there to catch here... but not prevent his own mild heart attack.  It also seems that even a little dunk in the water doesn't faze the Pizzle... man, I'm in trouble.
• I really think the Twizz have some sort of extreme schedule together.  Either one always acts up, but always different and random.  Man, they're crafty!!!
• Putting the Pizz in the Clean-Cuteness-Arena is a much more painful experience now.  Literally and figuratively.  She kicks and screams, twists and contorts.  I have to take a shower after the ordeal myself.
• The Twizzles are starting to pass out some cuteness of their own... even to each other!
• Pizza is actually Pizz-a!!!  I never realized it until today!!!  I should have known!!!
• The Dyson is becoming the most used appliance in this household.  It cleans very well, plus it somehow makes enough of a soothing noise to lull the Twizz to sleep.  Needless to say, the Nursery 2.0 gets vacuumed every night!
• It seems that buying all these appliances from Sears, gets up a "free upgrade" to Platinum with your next round of Sears Creditcard!  Great!
• The Twizz don't do well in parks, for over an hour!
• The Pizz loves slides!  Even the really tall, big-kid slides that she has no earthly business being on.  This makes the Editor have to climb up there with her, and then slide down them, with her... And then endure the screams (and sign) of "more, more more!!!"
• When the Pizz tells you she's "pottied", takes your hand, leads you upstairs to her room, and practically jumps on her changing table, without screaming, fussing, or squirming... please, approach with caution.  There is some thermonuclear biohazardous waste in those G-diapers...  HOLY COW!!!  I think she really tries to one-up-herself on a weekly basis.
• When the Pizz is sleeping into 8:30, and you wonder if you should wake her up.... think about the fact that the rest of the day will occur at a break-neck pace, without the midday blessing of a 2-hour nap.  (Man, if I could have this morning back!  Although, it was pretty nice...)
• Speaking of which, if you don't get a shower at the break of dawn, just forget about hygiene the rest of the day!
• Hamilton needs valium.  When he starts barking at the washing machine, thereby waking the Twizz (who you've been trying to put to sleep!), you really want to shoot him.  (Editor's Note: Not that I condone violence against dogs, or other animals for that matter.  Those damn SPCA commercials with Sarah MacLaughin just make me cry for days!)
• No more staying up late to watch TV.  Bedtime is 8:30.  (Oops, time to go to bed!!!)

The BabyYarnoz Top 10

Well, as been subject of many posts, we here at BY Universe just cannot let this one go...  Like a bad penny it keeps turning up...

So here we take another (and hopefully final) stab at it...

The BY Top 10:  Top 10 Signs That the GC2.0 Pumps Too Much

10. She starts to call the pump her "third twin".

9. She ends every conversation with the phrase "I have to go pump!"

8. The rythmic sounds of the Industrial Strength Breast Pump is better than the sleep machine.

7. The GC2.0 can just look at the equipment and have a let down.

6. During one moment this past weekend, the GC2.0 was carrying the Pizz downstairs.  The Pizz looks down, points to the GC2.0's chest, and says "Pump!!!" 

5. She develops a ritual around each event, equipped with bra-holders, iPads, pillows and beverages!

4. She is actually considering naming our fourth child Madela. (Note: odds on fourth BY are 1,000,000,000,000:1)

3. She spends more time with the pump than with The Editor!!!

2.  The Pizz, while in one of her helter-skelter maneuvers, sits down with some pumping equipment... specifically a trumpet and bottle.  She lifts up her shirt, sticks the trumpet on her belly, and starts making the shhh-shhh-shhh sound!

1.  (You knew this one was coming)  She takes out an Industrial Strength, Hospital Grade rental machine.  When she returns said machine, the lady says "Wow!  That has only happened like 2 times in my 20 years in the business!!!"

Applause.  Applause

In Memorial...

So we here in the BY Universe will be in memorial for many things this coming Memorial Day:

• A quiet, blissful household
• Our young, carefree days
• Clothes free of spit up or snot
• Sleep
• The Breastpump

What a minute, you say!  I remember that that baby was "Industrial strength, hospital grade."  It could suck-start a Harley... suck the chrome off a bumper.... you get the drift.  But apparently, the Industrial Strength, Hospital Grade Mandela Breast Pump met its match....

The GC 2.0!!!

Yup, you heard it correctly.  I was flabbergasted when I came home from work today.  I had to check it out myself.  It has been confirmed.

Ding, dong the Breastpump was dead!!!!

 It couldn't handle the size, load and duties placed on it by GC2.0.   I think I can imagine the poor pump's last minutes of life this AM .... "shhh-shhh-shhh-shhh"  (the usual sound it makes as it "pumps")...  "shhh-shhh-shhh-sh^*!!!! I give up!!!! pfffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffttt!"  And then it was silenced forever.

Thank goodness, we have the BP1.0 aka the handsfree Mandela boobiesucker to start back up again...

I don't know how we're going to explain this one to the rental agency!

So, let us have a moment of silence, as we memorialize the loss of a true, dear friend of the family...





Dessert

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Sloppy Joes

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Battle Scars

So today was a normal weekend day in the BY Universe... one filled with crying, puking, pooping, napping, more crying, and all around fussiness.

Somehow through it all, I wore one outfit...  but probably should've changed... maybe a couple of times.  At the end of the day, I looked at this outfit, and was pretty much aghast.

So I took a picture with my computer camera, and now it's a blog post.  See the legend below.

(Editor's Note: What you won't see on this outfit is either blood or poop/poopoo/poopie.  I am really not sure how I came away from this day unsoiled.  It's not like KP and Twizzles didn't try to throw there best shots at me, sometimes even multiple times.  I am still amazed by how much KP can produce...)

Legend (Note: not in chronological order):

1. Spittoon from the Dude
2. I wasn't sure how to assign this one, but decided on subletters instead of little circles.  This is the "action shoulder"- since I am right handed, almost everything I do happens on this shoulder.
    a. Pizzle snot.  Seems this is where she really likes to wipe when I am carrying her.
    b. Pizzle drool.  Not as bad as the snot this time.  Pretty tame.
    c. Mila spittoon.  This one almost might be classified as vomit.  Maybe not.  This one also occurred towards the end of the day, and almost made me change outfits.  But I forged on.
3.  Dude drool.  The Dude's a cuddler.  It also seems he likes to lay a little lower on the ol' belly, leading to mid-chest emissions.
4.  Editor sweat.  It seems "Degree" just ain't up to the mustard of handling KP and the Twizzles.  I might have to write the company a letter.  I could solicit another advertiser for the blog.
5.  Dude Urine.  You might be thinking to yourself.  "Man, he got peed on twice!  That sucks!"  Well, sort of.  Around 2-ish this pm, the GC2.0 notices that the Dude has a "TeeTee Esplosion!" and needs a change.  Well, the Editor was up to the task.  I lift him up by his cute little overalls and take him upstairs.  When I laid him down on the changing table I noticed two wet stains on my shirt.  "Hmm, how did that happen?"  I lifted up the shirt... "TeeTee".  "But 2??"  Then I see.  Turns out, by lifting and holding him up by his overalls, I caused extra strain and tension on his G-diaper.  This, in turn, caused his Tee-Tee to be squeezed out (like wringing out a sponge) and run down each leg.  Yup.  Colossal G-diaper failure.  Time to go up in weight class.  The Dude was left out of his overalls for the rest of the day.
6.  Mila urine.  This was right after the Dude's esplosion, and I knew it was going to happen.  She was fairly soaked in Tee-Tee, and there was nothing I could do.  Good thing I hadn't changed my shirt!!!
7.  Pizza sauce.  Hmmm...  You might be thinking... "Editor, are you a messy eater?"  Why, no, I just had the pleasure of sitting next to the Pizz.  "But, doesn't she loooooove Pizza!!??"  Why, yes she does.  But it seems, that she has started to realize the different components to pizza.  She loves the cheese, crust and sauce, and pretty much doesn't care for anything else.  So, she now will take a piece of pepperoni draped with cheese and sauce, eat off the cheese and throw the pepperoni overboard!  My leg just got in the way.
8.  Lotion.  The Pizz loves her lotion.  She loves to rub it in her hands and arms.  She also loves to wipe it everywhere...  I couldn't dodge this one.
9.  Trauma to the Family Jewels!!!  This occurred in the middle of one Pizz and Daddy's play.  She was crawling to get off of my chest and then just sent a right high knee straight to the giblets!  This one didn't leave a mark... externally.  But boy, did the internal organs take a shot!!!  I saw stars and, I think, lost consciousness.
10.  Editor Tee-Tee.  This one was daddy's fault, but occurred shortly after number 9.  Sorry.

New BY Sponsor

Babies and Breakfast

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Fish n chips

Somebody discovered Tartar Sauce

At the end of the meal, when the waitress tried to take her plate, she threw herself over it, arms outstretched.... screaming "Mine!!!...

Ahhh, what a proud moment for parenthood.

Athletic Cuteness

Surviving the BtS-M2.0 Weekend - Best and Worst!!!

So many things happened this past weekend, that to try to post them all would, frankly, take up time that I just do not have right now.

(Editor's Note:  I am trying to blast this post out while attempting to put the Twizzles to bed.  Man, that Dude sure takes forever to fall asleep!!)

So here are the Best/Worst from the weekend, as only we here at BY Universe can dish out!!!

Best Family Moment:  frankly, just having everyone here was totally awesome.  It was a shame that some couldn't make it.  But to those that did, a heartfelt thanks!

Worst Family Moment:  well, just seems that there wasn't enough time in the days to truly talk to everyone... and feel like you reconnected.

Best Dressed:  Without a doubt....  The Man, the Myth, the new Legend!!  The Chan-man... All I have to say is 3-piece white linen suit with white bucks.  Absolutely fabulous.  I wish I had the skillz to pass that off.

Most Fabulous Dressing Options:  Mo.  Seems that she had like a ga-gillion dresses packed into her stainless steel coffin she called a suitcase...  After snapping these priceless pics, she returned to the GM to don a whole, new "cooking wardrobe"  Setting the bar pretty high here for the old chef to aspire too....

Best Performance by a Party, Not Named Yarnoz, Jasper, Rabalais, or Kinnett:  Tanya.  The Godmother-in-law stepped right in and was a part of this rapidly growing family.  She better be careful though... the way this family procreates ... just by essentially sneezing... is one for the scientific journals.  Be warned!!!


Best Food of the Weekend:  Man, I cannot decide.  I am still jones-ing for some hanger steak with chimchurri sauce...  An unbelievable shout out goes to the designed, producer and presenter of this lovely spread....  Mo!  Man, every day goes by that hurts me to realize that we couldn't kidnap you and make you our Mo-pair!



The Of-Course There has to be a Food Issue at Yarnoz Baptism Moment:  Sometimes a picture says a thousand words!!!  If only he had a Miller Lite in his hand!!!








Worst Dressed of the Weekend:  wait!  This isn't sexy?!?!?


Best Bet of the Weekend:  Two contestants.  Who'd start dancing first?  Laura or Anne.  The loser would start down a downward spiral...  Man, I thought I had a solid, solid selection.  I guess Chan has had a supremely long head start in this family.


The "Man I Feel Hungover...er... Wait... I Just Have a Gastroenteritis" award goes to....
The Editor.  I spent the whole Sunday popping Tums, Zantac, Tylenol in hopes of improving my condition.  When Grayson started vomiting outside.... hmmm... "Lightbulb!!!"  I'm just sick...  This was later supported/confirmed by Mo and Ita coming down with the affliction as well.

Most Quantity of Beer/Wine/Liquor that was Bought/Stored/Enjoyed in the GM in a while.  Enough said.

Best Improvisational Dance Floor:  well, leave it to the Rabalais/Kinnetts to make a dance floor anywhere... even in a smll kitchen patio.  All it takes is a little booze, a little "Aretha Franklin and the Blues" channel on Pandora, and the evening time to create a dancing extravaganza.

I don't know how you delete that?!  Sorry!

Best "Dance Monkey Dance!"  Of course.  Who else!  I have to produce the video soon.  But essentially all the ladies wanted to dance with him.  He was a machine!!!

Bad Combinations: iPhone cameras and booze....  woopsie!  I am sure that pic will get circulated for a while.

Best Cuteness Moment:  Hmmm... too many to choose from.  Just simply passed out cuteness to all. 



Worst Cuteness Moment: She did have some fussy moments...  especially when she wanted to be up at the altar during the BtS-M ceremonies.  It was almost like the S-Man had returned to inhabit the Pizz, and she new it... She wanted to get him out all over again!!!

Let's get this thing started!

Best Moment of the Weekend: realizing that this is going to be the last time we have to Banish the S-Man!!!!

What a minute?  You are going to do what?!?!

Surviving the "Banish the S-Man Weekend 2.0"

Well, yes this post is about 3 days late. 

But it has only just taken me this time to recover, digest, crop pictures, and reline my GI tract...

Oh yes...



What the h377?!?!?  Didn't we just do this?

More pics... and videos to follow....

An BY Interlude!

There they were, two sleep deprived lovers, kissing each other goodbye in the hotel parking lot.  They each got into their separate cars and drove off.

What did we just witness?  Was this a romantic, illicit interlude?  Do their spouses know?  The rumors can be seen now..... 

"I saw Dr Lewis kissing some hunky dude in a parking lot and then driving off.  Man, he was really, really hunky.  I think he might be a movie star, or maybe working on the next seasone of One Tree Hill"  ... 

"I saw Dr Yarnoz kissing some hot vixen, although dressed down to avoid suspicion, and then drive off.  man, that Dr Y is hot!"  ...
 
********

Flashback...  In advance of the "Banish the S-Man 2.0 Weekend", La-la came in early yesterday.  An then an amazing idea was hatched: to give us the "night" off completely... spending it a separate location.

So, with all of her hotel points, we got a free night at the Hampton Inn.  Right next to the hospital!  Sexy.

So, after a hectic day yesterday, we drove off in separate cars (so that I can go to work later).  We were thinking of somewhere romantic to eat dinner.  Nothing came up.  We're soo off our game, I think we left it in Tampa like 3 moves ago...  So, then we defaulted to where we can get some booze....  Chilis!

We dined in at Chili's!  Very sexy!

The waitress couldn't get out the line "Would you like to try one of our Presidente margaritas?" fast enough, before the GC2.0 shouted "yes"

Then, after our romantic dinner of hamburgers and chicken sandwiches, we go to the hotel. 

8pm.  Man, what are we going to do with our time... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz 

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ


Very very sexy!

Happy Mother's Day!

So, we here at BY Universe have just put the cap on a wonderful (translation: hectic) Mother's Day weekend!

It all started on Friday, with the arrival of the GC2.0's Mother's Day bouqet.  (Very beautiful if I do say so myself).  This then transitioned into a lovely date night (see prior post).

Saturday came too quickly for the Editor, but he rebounded surprisingly.  Ahh, sushi!  We somehow got the whole BY Universe to go to a birthday party.  (Editor's Note: now, the BY Universe is surprisingly un-mobile.  Anytime we want to go, it takes like an hour.  Seriously.  Between getting each individual cuteness in the their individual cute outfits, and then packing the "emergency bag" and then packing them up takes forever.  By the end of it, the GC2.0 and I each need a beer and a makeover.

But the party was lovely.  But it seems the Pizz is getting a little rep.  The last 2 birthday parties we've been too, it seems that can't keep her clothes on.  Yup!  Somehow she does something (read: plays too aggressively near a water table) to get absolutely soaked.  Then of course, the one thing we forget to bring is a backup outfit.  (How!?  I don't know.  We freakin have like 100 diapers!  Why can't we just duct-tape together an outfit!)  But, leave it to the GC2.0.  She's a regular female/mommy/MacGyver.  She whips out one of our 8 baby blankets, and makes a sarong!  (sp????  Man, that's a word I never thought I would blog about)

Whew!  Somehow we survived it!

Sunday was the big day!  The GC2.0 somehow got up extra early to make pancakes!  The Editor failed, and somehow overslept until 7am.  This is extra difficult due to the fact that we have to go to 8am mass.  Yup!  This is definitely the less crowded one, and we can't have 2 screaming infants ruin God.  Plus, my whole excommunication thing is still pending in front of the Holy See.

So, this makes for a very fast, interesting am.  I run downstairs.  Wolf down some yummy pancakes.  (Note: Some of you might be wondering why I didn't get up and make breakfast!  Well, my answer is who in their right mind would try to get up a make a lovely breakfast when there are 2 screaming infants and 1 todder with raging otitis knowing that you have to be at church like 15mins before 8 and it takes you an hour to pack up everything.  Wait... oh!)  Run upstairs.  Shower in like 5 mins.... no shaving.... man, I look ragged.  Throw on some slacks and a shirt.  And help the GC2.0 pack.  "Maine, we can't make it on time!  Why don't we bag it?  Plus, I might not actually be allowed in!"  "No, you silly goose.  Get steppin'"  (Note:  as a point of reference... silly goose might not be the actual words she used... in fact, whenver I have put in the words "silly goose", just know that is the G-rated version)

So we blaze off in the Santa Maria to Church, and somehow make it only 5 mins late.  Our punishment:  sitting all the way up in front!!!  NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!  Tooo close to God.  "Maine, I get it... this is the point where I get struck down... thanks!"

But, somehow I survived, and lived through the mass.  As you might be wondering, I didn't drop the Host this time.  I had to prop the Dude up in my left arm and hold out my right hand only.  NO more open mouthing it for me!  Presto!  No excommunication!!!

Then, after nap time, came the pre-planned Mommy Day picnic!!!  We packed up the crew and trucked over to the park.  There we had a lovely lunch of salad, turkey, chips and potato salad.  The weather cooperated, and so did the KP and Twizzles.... well... except for phototime!

Man, we tried to snap away at every second, but couldn't get the right shot!  I went through about 200 pics, but no magical winner of the group!  Mostly it was the Pizz being difficult...








But we tried!

All in all, it was a lovely Mother's Day weekend.  What would you expect to honor the best, sexiest (that's why we're in this predicament), smartest, most organized, sassiest, sharpest Mother in the fleet!

Happy Freakin Mother's Day!!!

Lessons Learned from Date Night

So last night, the GC2.0 and I ventured forth to the land of the living....

Date Night!!!!

(A special thanks to Merle for assisting in this endeavor.)

We were so giddy to be out and about on the town, that we let our exuberance get to us. We learned the hard way some important lessons for future date nights.

1. Never order a bottle of wine, for "value purposes". This was my idea, and probably the first issue with evening. Our poor little livers have not been properly exercised in this regard. Oopsie.

2. On a very tasty menu, don't let your eyes dictate your selection, or in our case, selections. Seems the choices of crab dip, large caesar salad, fried flounder and a large plate of sushi and sashimi might sound very tasty, but can cause supreme havoc on your innards.

3. Don't feel obligated to eat everything you order. This is purely my fault; one of my deep seated personality flaws. I cannot waste money/food. A sidebar flaw to this is my love of the free refill. When the GC2.0 wisely put down her fork, the ol' Editor was there to clean up the plates!!! Man, I can't do that anymore.

4. Large sushi plates might be tasty, but could be really painful. All that combination of rice, wine and water caused a huge reaction in my stomach. Mainly the dang rice just kept expanding and expanding. When we finally got up from the table, I think I looked 4 months pregnant.

5. Never try to finish off a bottle of wine by yourself. See #3 for my reasons. But when the GC2.0 backed off the vino, guess who was there to pick up the slack. Yup, the 4-month pregnant dude. This evening wasn't going to end well.

6. Never try to improve your situation with coffee and desert. So after about 1 hour of this date night, the tipsy 4-month pregnant dude realized the error of his ways. But how could he remedy this situation. With more food and coffee!!! Of course. Food to absorb the booze and coffee to sober me up!!! Sounds excellent!!!

7. Don't let the hot MILF order the desert. Yup the jumbo 11-layer chocolate cake might sound amazing, but when she only eats 2 bits of it, guess who's getting stuck with the extra. See #3&5.

8. Don't let the waiter convince you to get a sampler of another desert. Damn Key Lime Pie!!!! It's my kryptonite.

9. Plan your evening better around pumping sessions. This one sounds horrible. I'll let the readers infer. But basically there were only 2 other things that were under more pressure than my stomach.

10. A 4-month pregnant drunk dude is not a sexy camper. Let this visual imagery be a lesson to you all.

Enjoy!!!

Gettin Our Church On!

Even Kings and Queens have to get the Catholic on sometime.  I had always been leery, trying to take the Twizzles and the KP to Church.  But the DQ2.0 finally made me go.  "We can't just show for the Banish the S-Man 2.0, and not have been to Church before!!!"

Alas.

So, we convinced Merle to watch the KP, and the DQ, the Twizzles and myself drudged onward to Church.  We got there and were instantly mesmerizing to the rest of the congregation.  Wow!  Two?  Yup, the DQ2.0's a rockstar Catholic now!

We go inside, and the DQ pushes aside some poor, unsuspecting chap, so that we could plop our burgeoning family down in the pew.  We must really have been a sight, rollin' 4-wide in a pew.  Thank goodness the church wasn't really full.

The Twizzles did great!  Nary a peep from even Squeaky Pete during most of the mass.  Then came time for Communion.  We each took on Twizz in our hands and waddled up to the front.

(Flashback:  To the Santa Maria ride into church... "DQ, how does one take Communion when holding child?"  "Well, silly goose, you just hold the kiddo, and open your mouth and stick out your tongue.  The priest plops It in!"  "Ew!  Really.  I mean, I'm supposed to stick my tongue out to a priest and God!  Can't I just put the baby down, and take It in my hand?!?"  "Nope.  Goofball!"  Not my most fun thing to do.)

So, back to the present, we're sauntering up to the front, the DQ2.0 and the Dude in front of me, and SqueakyPete and myself taking up the rear.  Fortunately, she had calmed down in my arms as we walked forward.  Hmmm, maybe I can shift the baby to on side, take the Host, and plop It in!  Yes!

The DQ2.0 reaches the front, the Dude gets blessed, and the priest plops the Host in her mouth.  She slides off, and I shuffle forward.  Here we go!  The priest blesses Mila, and then takes out this huge piece.  I fumble for a sec, I can do this....

I open my mouth...

The next part is very vague and blurry, but all occurred in slow motion, seemingly over 1 hour.  The priest lifts the Host up to my mouth... and then jabs It in left corner...  Hmm... This ain't going to work... I try to turn my head left and grasp It... but...

I felt It slip out... Oh... MY ... GOD!!! 

Not the Host!!!  I look to try to see where It went, hoping that It might just get stuck to my cheek, like a piece of lettuce..... Nope... I found It... in slooooow motion, floating to the ground....  This can't be happening... Not me!!!  Oh Crap!!! .... I just dropped Jesus on the floor!  The most important moment in Church, and I screw it up!!  The Host hovered in air for hours, it seemed, as gravity slowly brought It back to earth...  Then It came to rest on the brick floor....

I looked up at the Priest, who saw Jesus on the ground...  Another hour passed.  Sweat now started to trickle down my brow.  I could feel each and every piercing eye of the congregation boring a hole through my back.  This is it!  I waited for the thunderclap and lightning bolt from the heavens to smite me!  I think I said 8 Hail Marys and 10 Our Fathers in this split second.  I thought I heard a rumble in the distance, but is must have been my nervous colon.  The Priest looked at me, swooped down, and picked up Jesus. 

I'll take it dirty!  I don't care.  God Help Me!!!  Please end this misery!!!  Gosh, this is taking forever!!! 

He then ate it himself, and took out another Host.  Oh boy!  I can't do this again!!!  He hastily motioned toward my mouth.  I think I almost unhinged my jaw, trying to get this one in there....  I think he jammed It in the back of my throat this time, almost causing a gag reflex.  (That would have just put icing on the cake!!!)  Got It!  Thanks.  I slid off to the side, and walked back to my seat as fast as I humanly could.  I kept my head down and did not make eye contact with a single soul.  Amazingly SqueakyPete was squeak-free, during this ordeal.  Gee thanks, I could have used some sort of diversion out there!

When we got back to our pew, I looked at the DQ2.0.  She had seen the whole ordeal, and was thoroughly amused!  "I think I just got excommunicated!"  She busted out laughing!  As did I!

As Mass ended, the congregation filed out.  I stayed in my pew, head down, pretending to put SqueakyPete back in her carseat.  We finally did, and then scurried out the back door to the safety of the Santa Maria.

So much for the DQ2.0's rockstar Catholic status now.  But she still says we have to do this again every once in a while!  What will I do???!!!

Ye Olde Yarnoz Regalty

Well, in honor of the spectacle that was the Royal Wedding, we here at Baby Yarnoz Universe got a hankerin for some good olde fashioned royal titles.  (This has also been buoyed by our recent discovery of 'The Tudors')

Anyway, we (or, actually I, The Editor) have decided to give each of us royal titles!  So without further ado...

King Michael John I.  Emperor of the Yarnoz Universe, with its vast internet domains and legions of subjects.  He is actually 1,072,205th in line of succession for the Spanish Throne.  Which actually means that everyone in Spain has to die for him to become King.  Well, a man can dream.  The High Royal Editor of all things BabyYarnoz, both cute, sappy and humourous alike.  The Supreme Commander of the Yarnoz Armada.  


Queen Charmaine Anne.  The Queen Mother. High Dairy Queen to all BabyYarnoz.  The vast supplier of all sustenance to the royal family.  The Supreme Organizer of the BabyYarnoz house, lands, treasury, and 10 calendars.   The Healer of the Sick and Giver to the Poor.  The Green Queen.  The Lover of all Things Earthy and Green.




Princess Kemper Pilar.  The Princess of Cuteness.  The Pizz.  The Round Mound of Royal Cuteness.  Princess of Carbs.  The First Daughter of Cuteness.  Possibly betrothed to Little Ceasar...  (ie Lover of Pizza).






Prince Michael Harcourt.  The Prince of Peace (and Quiet).  The Calm Prince.  He who can soothe the world with a cute stare and quiet demeanor.  Prince Court "the Dude".  He of mild voice and stinky butt.





Princess Camila Anne.  Princess Fusserella.  The one with big eyes and even larger lungs!  She who can cry at the drop of sauce.  The one who will eat the Queen out of house and boob!  Eventually, the one who will rule the Family!  (Maybe she can change my diapers in the end!)  Sorry, she does not have a crest.  Alas...  she'll probably fuss over that one in the future too...


Lady Merle of Geyer.  Our lady of waiting from the Olde World.  (er... ???)   The Royal Teacher.  The Restorer of Our Sanity.



Constable Hamilton.  The Protector of the Realm (from UPS trucks and mailmen).  Destroyer of Cats!  The Cleanser of the Table Scraps.









So, now with 2 daughters and 1 son, the BabyYarnoz Universe is open to form some serious Dynasties!!!  Any takers?

Those Yarnoz Genes!

For the past 2 months, we here at BY Universe have been touting the creepy similarity of those Yarnoz genes!  Put is simply, we make some cute chickies!

So, for you all to test your wits... we've give the KP and Twizzles First Annual Quizzle!!!

Got it?

Stumped??  Ok, here's an easy one.

But what about the Dude?  Who does he look like?

What are we going to do with all this cuteness!!!?

Uh OH!

Happy Easter 2011

Here in Crazyland we want to point out that we are good Catholics.

I mean, we manage to reproduce little future Catholics at a Vatican-approved rate, don't we?

So maybe this year the Pope will forgive us for:

• Skipping the whole "mass" thing.  Not only did we spare the congregation from screaming twizzles, we also gave them a break from Kemper's toddler germs!
• Eating pizza for Easter dinner.  I'm sure in some culture it was on the menu in Jesus's day.

What would be unforgivable is if we didn't take any Easter photos!  After all, the cutest of the Cuteness came from Easter 2010!

Remember this?  The Total Cuteness Package at work last Easter...

This Easter the TCP is mobile!  In her Lala-provided Radio Flyer

The twizzles are happy to just nap the day away, and we like it this way!

Happy Easter!

Update!

New to the BabyYarnoz Universe....


YOUTUBE!!!!!!

The inaugural video is now up and ready to watch.

If it doesn't work, follow this link:  http://www.youtube.com/user/babyyarnoz


Just one more way we're going to take down the Hoff!!!

What We've Learned - Two Month Update


 Well, we've survived to two months!!!  We are sooooo much older and wiser now.  Where should we start!

The twizzle version of abdominal activity

Court drunk on the sauce

• The Pizz is rocking and rolling.  She is all over the place, and has consolidated her naps into one (much to our chagrin!)  We are totally running out of entertaining options for her.  Thank goodness she can entertain herself!
• The Dude is totally chill.  If it wasn't for the roller coaster ride that has been her GERD, you would have forgotten that he was there.
• The Princess is a total fussbucket.  She has developed a multitude to crazy sounds.  She also cries ad infinatum (I can't spell Latin...) and almost immediately until you put a bottle of sauce in her mouth.
• We totally totally hate infant heart/apnea monitors.  Unbelievable!  The countless times, in the midde of the night, that that freaking thing would give a "loose connection" was unbearable.  I almost threw it out of our new window.  Poor Court might have a permanent mark of the chest band...  (No, not really)
• New Nicknames: The Dude, the Prince, Mr Chill.  But basically the Dude wins.
• New Nicknames: Princess Fusserella, Fusselstiltskin, Fussmaster Flash, the Mouse, KP2 or K2, miniKemper.
• New Nicknames: the Pizz.  (I mean can you really mess with perfection!)
• Dietary Habits:
• Pizz: basically a See-Food diet.  Sometimes you cannot tell where she puts it... until you lift her out of the highchair.   Dislikes: broccoli, fish, tuna salad.
• Fusserella: "Eats to live".  This baby wants sauce and she wants it yesterday.  She wants it so bad, that she cannot contain it all in her mouth.  When she takes a breather (maybe once or twice per 4 oz), there is a ring of sauce around her mouth and running down her chin.  Once she started to reek of old curdled milk that had settled into her neck crevices and shirt.
• Dude: "Lives to eat".  He could pretty much take it or leave it.  No rush.  Just sips away.  Also has to be burped like every 5 minutes to ensure that he doesn't get bored.
• DQ2.0: A well-oiled solid machine!  Unbelievable
• Industrial strength sauce producer:  Running almost nonstop these days.  At one point, I think the machine sputtered out "Help me" during a rare pause.  It's not called industrial strength for nothing.
• The Editor's sleep habits....  pretty poor.  Only now slightly improving.
• Ghosts in the bedroom.  I am absolutely sure of it.  We have only in the last couple of days begun sleeping back in our bedroom.  To which, we have the baby monitor up as well as my alarm clock to wake at 5am.  The last two nights, both machines have been inexplicably powered off at the most inopportune times (mainly 4-5 in the morning, when the DQ is in the Nursery 2.0 and needs help from the Editor).  I don't know how it occurs, and could only be explained as the ghost of Mr Schwartz.  He must not want me awake during those hours.  I cannot understand why.  The DQ points the blame squarely on my shoulders.  Alas.
• Au-pairs are awesome!  I don't know why we didn't get on earlier!  Everyone should get one.  I think I saw Ham on the Internet yesterday looking for one... Although he has taken a serious shine to her too.  He loves his new afternoon walking partner, as well as the return of his suede couch!
• Paci fever!  Catch it
• The Pizz still has it, but we're working on it.
• The Dude usually will take it and go to sleep.
• Princess Fusserella will only take it on her terms, when she gosh-darn-feels like.  Most times she takes a couple of chugs, and then innocently spits it out.  Occasionally, if you try to push the issue, she will raise the ante... She'll gag herself before taking it!  Yup!  Almost once a week, I get caught with this trap.  Sort of scary
• Poop poop and more poop
• Pizz: regular.  I think there was a whole undigested banana in there once, she ate it so fast!
• Fussmaster Flash: fairly regular.  Whew!  Multiple wiper
• The Dude:  Maybe once every 3 days or so.  Yup.... his GI tract is on Dude-time as well!  wow!!
• Photos...  Well, we're taking a smattering here and there.  The posts are coming... It's not like this is not fun and exciting for us... just the days/hours/minutes are filled with other stuff...  Eventually this stuff will get out there...

Ok.  Enough for now.  Time to go to bed!



Family nap time

Today was a Good Day

Yes it was.

For starters, The Editor got to work on time and ready to see some patients. Somehow that plan of waking up at 5am to get ahead of the Pizz just doesn't work. Nope. Nada. Zero. Somehow 6am usually comes around with me still in bed and the Pizz a-stirring... Today, for some reason the planets were aligned.

The Pizz was super cute in another Cam-me-down... She is totally winning the best dressed award in daycare.

Had a cardiology appointment today for the Dude. Damn that heart monitor!!! Essentially his "Brady" episodes are more than likely physiologic and nothing to worry about. Only to treat his monster GERD. That goodness for common sense. The DQ2.0 essentially skipped out of the office screaming, we're taking that thing off right now!!!!

Seems the DQ2.0 has a found a younger version of herself in our new aupair, Merle. Supposedly these two looove to organize. They went to Staples and bought like 10 calendars, a monster dry erase board, and a large gaggle of post-it notes. This is also on top of our current situation of one dry erase calendar and my stellar work on the online calendar. Who are they organizing here??!? The armada?? Seriously, they have more calendars then we have kids. This operation should be the most efficiently run outfit this side of the US government. Ha ha. I'm just jealous that I didn't get a chance to go!!!

(Editors note: I'm trying to type this blog while on my shift. The Dude's ok, but the little bitchy one is just screaming her head off every 5 seconds. I think if she wasn't so freaking cute, I'd return her for a refund. Oh, anyway, this post is like taking 8 hours)

Then, Merle and I went for a drive on errands... Mainly to Target!!! Too bad I couldn't find something to buy for myself, but that wasn't for a lack of looking!!! Then we drove around town, getting her acclimated to the area. Pretty easy stuff, except for the fact that we drive on the right (or wrong!!!) side of the road.

Then it was off to get the Pizzle!!! She was in a glorius mood, and this carried over all the way home. We then spent the evening outside, enjoying the new yard.

We all sat down for a free lovely dinner, and then the Pizz had a bath. Then Goodnight Kemper was heard throughout the house.

Shhh what a day.

(Wonder if we should put that on a calendar again!!!)

Mo-pairs, no-pairs, and au-pairs

We here at the BY universe know a universal truth: three babies to two adults is not a ratio that we enjoy.

As many people have told us, we've just transitioned our defense from man-to-man to zone coverage.  And we know we often lose the game with this strategy.

So, we started off by trying to get Morgan (aka Mo) to move into our large gameroom and live gratis while helping out and working her regular job.  Needless to say, this went over like a ton of bricks.

The next step was to figure out what kind of childcare we really thought we needed.  The Pizz already goes to an awesome daycare that we (and she) love, but we weren't sure if we could continue living in fear that one of our children would be sent home sick (something that is remarkably common).  These situations never happen on one of the DQ's days off -- it is almost always the double whammy of me being on call and the DQ working a long day.

Not to mention the night calls and evening shifts, the weekends and random vacation days at day care that make that situation less than ideal for three kids.  And how in the world would one adult get two infants and a pre-verbal toddler to school at the same time?  It boggles the mind.

So, we decided -- no nanny for us -- we need a live-in.

Luckily, the DQ's boss and his wife had 6 years of experiences with au pairs and convinced us that it was what we needed.  We agreed.  I mean, after getting over the idea that a girl half our age was going to raise our infants (something we didn't even have confidence in ourselves to do).  What could be so hard about it?

Thus begun the painful process of screening foreign applicants for this position.  During the first round, we looked at over 50 applications, only to think that 4 were appropriate.  And then it turned out that most of the girls themselves didn't really relish the idea of taking on two small infants (after all, they get paid the same for one).  The DQ tried to pull out all the stops, enticing them with the proximity to the beach and their own studio-like apartment downstairs.

We did eventually have a taker, a lovely girl from Brazil who was born in Japan.  Ironically, although this household already speaks 4 languages, Japanese and Portuguese were not any of them, so we were gearing up for a culturally diverse a situation as possible.

Unfortunately, when our candidate went to apply for her visa, she was denied!  We discovered this after getting the twizzles home, and it immediately sent us into a tizzy.  Oh sh&$!  What are we going to do?  It took 4 months and 50+ applications to find this one!

So, the DQ went into find-an-au-pair overdrive.  After all, it was her sanity at stake.  And so, after a harrowing weekend of application review and middle-of-the-night interviews with girls in China, Australia, and South Africa, we found one  -- and honestly with much less fuss than the first time around.

So, at this moment we have been informed that she is arriving next Monday... Hooray!  We are super-excited to have some help around the house, and even better that she has 19-year-old energy.  We could use a little bit of that right now....